Even though Christmas has passed, it’s still that time of the year where most of us are spending a significant amount of time with our families for the holidays.
Every year, when the time comes around again to sit down, share a meal with our families and discuss our lives, most of us cringe. We know that our jobs, grades, our political or religious beliefs and our choice in a significant other is going to be laid out on the table and sliced in pieces alongside the ham and the turkey. Most of us accept our fate with our heads hung low, believing that there is absolutely nothing we can do to protect ourselves from this torture.
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However, this year you will be prepared. Instead of being whined at, you yourself will be armed with a list of things to whine about. Not only will you be relieved of all of your frustration from 2016, but you will also be distracting your family away from the complaints they have about how you’re a disappointment and you didn’t turn out the way that they had hoped.
1. Mario Run costs $9.99 after the first world.
Seriously, the most anticipated phone game of 2016, and after five minutes you had one of two choices - drop $10 on a phone app and cry, or delete it and cry. At least the younger ones in the room will chime in, and you’ll be out of the heat.
2. Harambe.
Seriously, you can just pick your poison here. Whine about his death, his immortality as a meme, or the fact that you think media was using him as a way to distract from other world issues. You can choose one, or all of the above, everyone in the room should know this name now, and will probably want to whine as well.
3. Traffic
Yep, just traffic. Everyone has an opinion and there’s plenty to complain about here. Throw in a snide remark about round-a-bouts if you’re feeling brave.
4. Literally anyone that died this year.
Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Prince… just pick one, or any collection of them. If you hit the right name, you’ll not only distract them but probably spark a few tears. So, choose wisely.
5. The iPhone 7.
Again, this one is up to you. If you don’t have the iPhone 7, whine that you don’t have it. If you have it, whine that not enough people have it. Hate iPhones altogether? Go for it.
6. The Mannequin Challenge.
Except the impressive ones. Those are okay.
7. Barb From Stranger Things
Seriously, why did no one care about her? She was amazing. #BarbForever
Need something a little stronger? Here’s some choices for those of you that actually want to cause a fight at your family function.
8. The presidential election, or our President-Elect.
Be careful and watch out for the flying china.
9. Bring up another family member.
“Oh, I’m a disappointment? What about Uncle Larry?” You’ll have to try really hard not to get caught in a room alone with them, but hey at least the heat is off of you.
10. Announce loudly whether you’re a cat person or a dog person.
Depending on your family, this could either make your situation better or worse. I’d be careful choosing this one.
11. Making a Murderer.
For this one to work, you have to announce whether or not you believe Steven Avery is guilty or innocent. Then sit back and watch the room set itself on fire.
And that’s it! If this isn’t enough to keep all the complaining in the room off of you, then you’re probably just stuck with it. I’m so sorry for you. Happy Holidays!
