Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Lifestyle

23 Things To Say To Get Your Dutch Bros Barista Out Of Your Car

If you find your Broista too invasive, hit them with one of these.

Devon Bennett

Apr 16, 2018

University of Oregon

1985

23 Things To Say To Get Your Dutch Bros Barista Out Of Your Car

Bing

I've come to find that the average Joe dislikesDutch Bros culture. I don't know about you, but I find their energy refreshing. It's like a cup of coffee before my coffee!

However, some people cringe at the thought of visiting this popular coffee stand due to its reputation of being "overzealous." A common meme circulating the interwebs depicts a Broista jumping into their customer's car to see "what everyone's doing today." You know the one.

If you want to prevent your local Dutch Bros bro from asking you too many questions about your life, just him with one of these:

1. "I just watched Shrek 2 and I have the weirdest boner right now"

2. "I'm pretty old fashioned but I still believe in capital punishment"

3. Hand them "The Book of Mormon"

4. Order your coffee extra hot and say, "I don't even care if you burn your hand on that milk steamer"

5. Just vomit

6. Twitch your eye and say, "nothing, why? Who are you?"

7. "I'm going to our local Klan rally!"

8. "I ate some shrooms, so I'm just waiting for them to kick in."

9. "Just got back from jerkin' it at Fantasy Video"

Bonus points if someone else is in the car.

10. "You guys got any needles back there?"

Scratch your face for added effect.

11. "My third wife was biracial"

12. "I'm more concerned about the drones casting firebombs down from drones over the Columbia Valley in NW USA and burning our aged old forests so the mountainsides will be bald when the enemy enters the US to consume our country"

13. "I'm actually on my way to get an abortion right now"

14. "I'm meeting with my lawyer to discuss my divorce agreement"

Bonus points if you're clearly too young to be married, let alone divorced.

15. Just blow your vape smoke in their face

16. "I hope you step on a lego today"

17. "What are YOU guys doing today?"

Jump through theirwindow.

18. "I came here to do two things! Suck some hard candy and suck some d***"

19. "I love your coffee because it's almost as good as the crack I do!"

20. Have a blow-up doll in the seat next to you

21. Spray yourself with Axe and don't stop during the whole transaction

22. Rub Vaseline on your hand and then cover with a glove. If they ask what you're doing, just let them know that your significant other prefers you to have moist hands. Definitely use the word moist. Never break eye contact.

23. Say anything regarding the Church of Scientology

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Student Life

The 12 Stages Of Course Registration, As Told By "Friends"

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

The State University of New York at Stony Brook

6612

YouTube

As college students, we are all familiar with the horror show that is course registration week. Whether you are an incoming freshman or selecting classes for your last semester, I am certain that you can relate to how traumatic this can be.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

Bonus points if it is more than two.

Keep Reading...Show less

registration

Featured

Economic Benefits of Higher Wages

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

Florida International University

302979

Illistrated image of people crowded with banners to support a cause

StableDiffusion

Raising the minimum wage to a livable wage would not only benefit workers and their families, it would also have positive impacts on the economy and society. Studies have shown that by increasing the minimum wage, poverty and inequality can be reduced by enabling workers to meet their basic needs and reducing income disparities.

I come from a low-income family. A family, like many others in the United States, which has lived paycheck to paycheck. My family and other families in my community have been trying to make ends meet by living on the minimum wage. We are proof that it doesn't work.

Keep Reading...Show less

Entertainment

13 Times April Ludgate Perfectly Explained College

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

Indiana University - Purdue University Indianapolis

2094

Every college student knows and understands the struggle of forcing themselves to continue to care about school. Between the piles of homework, the hours of studying and the painfully long lectures, the desire to dropout is something that is constantly weighing on each and every one of us, but the glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel helps to keep us motivated. While we are somehow managing to stay enrolled and (semi) alert, that does not mean that our inner-demons aren't telling us otherwise, and who is better to explain inner-demons than the beloved April Ludgate herself? Because of her dark-spirit and lack of filter, April has successfully been able to describe the emotional roller-coaster that is college on at least 13 different occasions and here they are.

Keep Reading...Show less

april ludgate

Recommended for you

23 Things To Say To Get Your Dutch Bros Barista Out Of Your Car

If you find your Broista too invasive, hit them with one of these.

1. "I just watched Shrek 2 and I have the weirdest boner right now"

2. "I'm pretty old fashioned but I still believe in capital punishment"

3. Hand them "The Book of Mormon"

4. Order your coffee extra hot and say, "I don't even care if you burn your hand on that milk steamer"

5. Just vomit

6. Twitch your eye and say, "nothing, why? Who are you?"

7. "I'm going to our local Klan rally!"

8. "I ate some shrooms, so I'm just waiting for them to kick in."

9. "Just got back from jerkin' it at Fantasy Video"

10. "You guys got any needles back there?"

11. "My third wife was biracial"

12. "I'm more concerned about the drones casting firebombs down from drones over the Columbia Valley in NW USA and burning our aged old forests so the mountainsides will be bald when the enemy enters the US to consume our country"

13. "I'm actually on my way to get an abortion right now"

14. "I'm meeting with my lawyer to discuss my divorce agreement"

15. Just blow your vape smoke in their face

16. "I hope you step on a lego today"

17. "What are YOU guys doing today?"

18. "I came here to do two things! Suck some hard candy and suck some d***"

19. "I love your coffee because it's almost as good as the crack I do!"

20. Have a blow-up doll in the seat next to you

21. Spray yourself with Axe and don't stop during the whole transaction

22. Rub Vaseline on your hand and then cover with a glove. If they ask what you're doing, just let them know that your significant other prefers you to have moist hands. Definitely use the word moist. Never break eye contact.

23. Say anything regarding the Church of Scientology

Subscribe to our Newsletter

No one best represents the struggle like our favorite 90s squad.

1. When course schedules are released and you have a conflict between two required classes.

2. When there is only one section of a popular course.

3. Receiving the 18,000 emails reminding you to register ASAP.

4. When you need to see an advisor, but they are too busy/unresponsive.

5. Trying not to dress like a bum for your appointments with your advisors/department heads.

6. When you have a perfectly planned out schedule, and one class ruins it.

7. Carefully moving things around to accommodate a different class/section.

8. Waking up at 6:00 a.m. for your enrollment time.

9. Concocting a new schedule at your enrollment time after your original plan gets changed.

10. Getting into a class and filling the last available seat.

11. When all of your classes finally go through.

12. Realizing that you forgot a class that was a pre-requisite for everything else.

When your capability of "adulting" is put to the test

Nobody deserves to be living in poverty.

"Nobody living in one of the most influential nations in the world should be worried about making ends meet."

What is the current minimum wage at the federal level?

What are the benefits of raising the minimum wage?

What are the states that have set a $15/hour minimum wage?

Told through Parks & Recreation GIFs

Because who understands your bitterness better than April?

1. When you have to provide an "interesting fact" for your first day ice-breaker.

2. When your professor is babbling on and on in his lecture.

3. When you edit your friend's paper and they get an A.

4. When it's 2 AM and you remember you have a test tomorrow.

5. When you finish taking the test and you're pretty sure you failed...

6. ...but then you get the test back and somehow passed.

7. When you've been up for 12 hours straight writing a paper.

8. And then you manage to stay awake in class the next day.

9. When you have to butter up your professor for an extra credit opportunity.

10. When you're assigned a group project.

11. And your group-mates are trying to chat about life instead of the assignment.

12. When it's your last class of the day and you're about to go home.

13. But then you remember rent is due tonight and the anger comes back.

Trending Topics

Top Creators

Trending Stories

Best of Lifestyle

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments

Subscribe to our
Newsletter