I was in the US Army for four years, from 2010-2014. I was a Specialist in Human Resources. My first duty station was in South Korea. After that, I was stationed in Washington State. My time in the Army was something I will never forget. I’d like to share with you some of my experiences while I was in the service.

This is not what the recruiters will tell you. It’s not what anyone will tell you. Know why? Because the Army holds itself to a high moral standard (so they like to think). Nobody wants to believe that our US soldiers are anything less than courageous heroes. Some of them are, but that’s not the majority. Most are just everyday people, with flaws like anyone else. Lots of them are bitter, angry, aloof, indifferent, despondent and downtrodden.

Most of the time when you think about Army Veterans, you think of war stories, of gunfire and explosions, people getting wounded or killed.

This is not one of those stories. This is a selection of true accounts of what I experienced while working in Garrison (aka, military base, company, battalion, brigade, barracks, etc.). You won’t read these types of confessions in The Army Times, or any other publication, more than likely.

Now is the time, though, for people to know what truly goes on outside of the battlefield. This is the article no one warned you about, and everything no former or current soldier wants to admit happens. Most of them won’t for fear of retaliation.

Guess what? I’m a civilian now, and while I will not be naming anyone, I’m going to give y’all an earful. Sure, I could get in trouble for writing this article, technically speaking, but I don’t care. I’ve been silent about my time in service long enough. It’s time others knew the truth. Granted, it’s only one truth, but I think my experiences and firsthand observations ring true for a lot of other soldiers as well. Everything I’m about to tell you are things I’ve gone through personally, along with a few things that I know my fellow soldiers went through. This is what really goes on in the Army:

1. Let me begin by being brutally honest. Don’t buy into this crap about the Army being a coalition of “brothers and sisters” where we’re all “color-blind,” because it’s not true. It’s a complete myth. That type of mentality doesn’t exist in the military. It’d be great if it did, but the truth is much different. There are female NCO’s (Non-Commissioned Officers, aka Sergeants) who bully other female NCO’s or soldiers. I’ve known of female NCO’s of color, who only respected other women of color, but they’d treat white women like garbage. Favoritism runs rampant and two-faced NCO’s are rife, everywhere you go. I’ve seen female NCO’s berate and degrade male NCO’s in front of young soldiers. I’ve known of both male and female NCO’s who slept around with junior enlisted soldiers (which they’re not supposed to do). Female soldiers getting sexually harassed and raped by their male soldier counterparts is just another common occurrence…and the list goes on. There is no true equality in the military. It’s not an equal opportunity for all scenario.

2. The people that are supposed to be your leaders, your mentors…they aren’t. Every now and again you’ll come across someone who appears to be a decent Sergeant, but let me tell you something: as someone who dealt with Sergeants who seemed nothing but nice and respectful, and then treated their soldiers shamefully in the most disrespectful ways, you find yourself failing to trust any of them fully after so many bad experiences. Most Sergeants just look for ways to bully their soldiers. NCO’s will do anything they can to tear soldiers down (especially new ones), get under their skin and keep them from pursuing a new career path, until a soldier eventually gets to a breaking point. Then, depending on the soldier’s actions, they might be perceived as the bad guy, or at the very least, a problem. NCO’s are supposed to be there to help you, but they’re usually the problem. Some of them act very indifferent towards their soldiers’ struggles. When I gathered the courage to trust an NCO enough to tell her that I was feeling depressed and angry all the time because my husband was about to leave for a deployment, all I got in response was, “Well you signed up for it.” Not a very helpful morale booster. I’ve been lied to and manipulated by female NCO’s, and some of them even stole from me and my former roommate. People in the Army aren’t above stealing from others. It happens quite frequently actually. Usually involving younger, lower ranking soldiers, but it’s still an issue.

3. You no longer belong to yourself. Your body is no longer yours. You are government property. Yes, that sounds bad, and yes it’s maddening to feel you have no control over your life and no individualism anymore.

4. Most of the medical care you’ll get is not that impressive. It’s decent enough, and I did have a successful tonsillectomy. However, let me be clear when I say, I’ve dealt with some of the coldest, cruelest nurses and the most apathetic, incompetent therapists (some of which actually fell asleep during my sessions).

5. Think you’re going to be around mature individuals who know how to work as a true team? Think again. This was something my Drill Sergeants referred to as “tiny heart syndrome.” Everyone is out for themselves, and in reality, everyone just wants to go home at the end of the day.

6. Hazing and verbal harassment don’t stop just because you’re no longer in Basic Training. Again, if you thought that’s where the mistreatment ended, you are sadly mistaken because it’s just as prevalent in Garrison. A female Sergeant and a fellow soldier laughed at me behind my back when I went in the bathroom to cry in private and collect myself so I could get back to work.

7. Speaking of Basic Training, the Drill Sergeants aren’t supposed to have sex with the soldiers. This doesn’t mean that they don’t. Big difference. (No, this didn’t happen to me, but it happened to someone I went to Basic Training with).

8. If you don’t like being phony and playing politics, then the Army definitely isn’t for you. That’s all those people who get along with each other know how to do is kiss ass.

9. PT (Physical Training) is a joke. Mainly because the people in charge usually just try to humiliate, rather than encourage and motivate soldiers when they’re running or otherwise trying to get fit.

10. If you have a weakness (and let’s face it, we all do), your superiors and fellow soldiers will use it against you. If you’re a nice person, you’re going to get trampled on. Too many mean spirited people who were treated badly themselves, tend to repeat the cycle, rather than break it.

11. The minute you start having health problems, NCO’s look at you like you’re the scum of the earth. Especially if you’re in the process of getting medically discharged (which I was, and I know a lot of other people who were too, and they got treated just as shamefully).

12. Regarding those who have faced the war (no, I was not one of them), lots of young soldiers think the Army’s a game and join just because they want to blow stuff up. Once those same people see their friends get blown up in a combat zone, it becomes a different story. They’re no longer playing a video game. They’re all grown up now, and they return home with issues because they were thrown into something that they weren’t mentally prepared to handle.

So don’t let a book, a movie, the news, an article or a recruiter try to tell you about the high level of respect and values that are exemplified in the Army, because it’s bullshit. That doesn’t mean soldiers shouldn’t aim to live up to the Army Values, but a good deal of them don’t care.

Not everyone’s experience was like mine. Some had it better, some had it worse, but here’s the point I want to drive home: Know what you’re in for.

I’m not telling anyone not to join the Army, I just want people to be aware of what really goes on, so they have a chance to prepare themselves. I met several genuinely good people in the Army, and some awesome NCO’s along the way as well. Most of my Drill Sergeants were very admirable. They truly cared and wanted to share their knowledge and experiences with us. They wanted to teach us how to be soldiers. My NCO’s in AIT (Advanced Individual Training) were also great. They gave good advice and were willing to help and step in when there was conflict or harassment going on between soldiers. There was a male Staff Sergeant who helped me when I was in a moment of crisis, after I inflicted harm upon myself at work. I had some wonderful First Sergeants who were sincerely inspiring, and exemplified what the Army is supposed to be about. I’ve had a couple good female Sergeants along the way who were fair and understanding. People are people. Some are good, some are not. The thing to remember is, the uniform alone does not magically transform someone into a decent human being.

I can honestly say, joining the Army was one of the best decisions of my life. It’s what helped me become an adult. I learned what it was like to live on my own and be away from home for the first time. I met my best friends while I was in service. I met my husband. I figured out who I was, who I wanted to be and who I didn’t want to be.

I’m now using my college money to go to Southern New Hampshire University Online to become the writer I’ve always imagined. I have several health issues, both physical and mental, but I’m not letting it stop me from pursuing my goals in order to make my dreams a reality.

I wrote this article because I just wanted to tell you, if you’re thinking about enlisting, before you sign that contract…make sure you’ve thought it through. To all the good soldiers out there, and all the future ones to come, good luck, stay safe, stay sane. I mean that with all my heart.

One final note I want to leave you with is a list of advice I wrote for myself in Basic Training. These notes helped see me through tough times, stay the course, remind me who I was and who I wanted to become. So, now I’m passing those bits of advice and encouragement on to all the future and current soldiers out there, as well as civilians. I leave you with these final considerations:

• Do the right thing
• Stay positive
• Be confident
• Keep mentally strong
• Stay focused on your goals (both long term and short term)
• Be mission focused
• Take your job seriously
• Focus on the task at hand
• Do your best, aim for success
• Don’t be afraid of the new and unknown
• Challenge yourself
• Be proud of yourself, your abilities and all you’ve accomplished
• Stay motivated and inspired
• Strive for perfection
• Aim for greatness
• Be brave