Just 2 weeks ago, I officially completed my first semester of college and I was ecstatic. I drove home the night after my finals had been completed, excited to see all of my friends and family again.
The thing is, I’ve chosen to attend a University that is about an 8 hour drive away from my hometown which means that no one from my highschool came with me; and, because of that, this last semester has taught me a lot about what it’s like to attend a college that is a significant distance from “home.”
Put simply, things change. Drastically. But, now, I can confidently tell you that things changing is okay. It’s healthy and wonderful actually.
So here’s a few things that will happen, but that you shouldn’t worry about.
1. You’re going to feel lonely in your first couple weeks.
And that’s okay.
You’re going to find that you start to miss things you didn’t even think about. The friend that you would normally call at midnight for a spontaneous ice cream date, will no longer be there. When something absolutely incredible happens, you won’t be able to run home to tell your Mom or Dad. You’ll have to start being okay with eating alone and possibly even going to events alone.
And, when all of this happens, it is absolutely normal to begin to feel lonely. It’s not as though you will feel lonely forever, it is indeed a temporary emotion; and, it’s actually good for the soul. Being alone will give you a lot of time with your own thoughts and whether you like it or not, this will cause you to start to ponder the more important things in life.
You’ll think about why you chose to go to college so far away, what you want to accomplish while you’re in college, how you’re going to pay off your college debts, even what you want to do with your life in general. You’ll also learn to love your own company; and, in the midst of the craziness that is college, this is incredibly important. Arguably the most important thing being alone will create though is strong study habits. "Going in alone" will leave you devoted to your studies, which should, ultimately, be the real reason you are paying thousands of dollars for your education. Therefore, solidifying your study habits before you get into the madness of college is good because once solidified, they won’t leave easy.
Anyways, ultimately, feeling lonely is okay. It’s normal. And it’s actually going to be beneficial for you.
2. You’re going to experience mixed emotions when your highschool friends post on social media.
For a moment you may smile at that photo of their Friday night out on Instagram, but then you’re going to find yourself a little saddened that you couldn’t spend that Friday with them- especially if you haven’t found a new group of friends at your college yet. This doesn’t make you a bad person or even a bad friend, it just means that with everything changing in your life… it’s odd to see your old highschool friends together without you. It may even be slightly painful as you wonder if they’ve forgotten about you and you wish more than anything that you could be there with them. Trust me though, they haven’t forgotten and soon you’re going to have your own life filled with fun Friday nights, those posts far less painful to look at.
3. You are going to miss your high school friends like crazy, at times.
When you spend 4 years of your life with the same group of people, leaving them overnight is a strange thing and can even be a little overwhelming at times. It’s odd to find an event on Facebook you want to go to and realize that you have exactly 3 decisions. [1.] Ask someone you barely know from class to go with you. [2.] Go by yourself and hope that maybe you’ll find a group to attach to once you’re there. [3.] Don’t go. It’s also going to be an odd sensation when something amazing happens and the only people you want to share your news with are not around. All of this makes it normal to miss your highschool friends and normal to wish that they were there with you; but, remember- your distance will make the days you do see each other even more special.
4. You’re going to lose “friends.”
The thing about distance is that it can be incredibly difficult if those involved are not equally committed. So, as much as it kind of sucks, you’re going to lose people that you thought were going to be lifelong friends; but, you’re also going to have stronger relationships with those who truly are. It may be painful but try to find comfort in the fact that you are living a new life that will soon be filled with not only old friends, but new friends who are going to stick by you, thick and thin.
5. Your relationships are going to shift.
Once again... distance; but, let me assure you that distance does not destroy all relationships. In fact, it often strengthens those that are meant to last. Instead of spontaneously meeting up with your best friend at midnight, you’ll facetime her. Instead of crying over that stupid boy while watching movies together on the couch, you’ll both press ‘play’ at the same time and cry over the phone. And, if you do really, really need them, they’ll still be there… it’ll just take more rearranging of their schedules.
It’s not only friendships that shift, however. The relationship you have with your parents will shift significantly as well. Instead of being the people who hover over you, they’ll be the ones you call with questions you never even realized you’d need to know the answer to. “Is it safe for me to write my social down on an online job application?” “Do I really have to separate my whites and colors?” “How long do I boil an egg for?” And their house will go from somewhere you were ecstatic to move out of, to a sanctuary with home cooked food.
Distance changes relationships but it’s okay because it often changes them for the better.
6. You are going to re-prioritize.
It just happens. Time with family and friends becomes more cherished because you don’t get it regularly or whenever you want; studying becomes necessary even if it means less sleep; home cooked food becomes one of the best indulgences you could ever dream of. Your priorities will shift before you even realize they have.
7. You’re going to miss things you didn’t realize you would.
In the first couple weeks, seemingly miniscule things will change that you didn’t realize would and you’ll start to miss them. When nearly every meal is eaten out or at a cafeteria, you begin to miss coming home to dinner in the crockpot. When you no longer have a car at your fingertips, it becomes frustrating. When you no longer have a space that is entirely yours, you realize that you have nowhere you can be alone to cry, eat stupidly or try on a million and two outfits without someone watching… and you miss your room. All of this is normal too, because you are entering a new stage in your life and when everything changes in someone’s life, it’s normal to miss the things you used to have even if you only miss them because they were routine.
And eventually...
8. Your hometown will no longer feel like “home.”
I really don’t know how to explain this, but I know you’ll understand it if you ever experience it. While returning to your hometown for Thanksgiving or Christmas is nice, there will come a time when it no longer feels like home. You have spent all of this time expending energy and effort to build a life all your own in a different city and suddenly you’re just expected to leave it which is really rather tough.
***This is certainly the point you know you’ve made the right decision though, because it means you have made a life for yourself that you don’t want to leave and that’s actually pretty incredible.***
Some people have told me that I’m “brave” for choosing a university that is quite a distance from my hometown, but I really don’t think that’s true. This decision has pushed me out of my comfort zone in the best way possible and is truly one of the best decisions that I have ever made. It’s not scary so much as it’s a simple adjustment. I have begun creating a life for myself that is free from the restraints of my hometown and that is a wonderful feeling.
Therefore, if you’re currently searching for a college to attend… I would strongly encourage you not to limit yourself to those within a safe radius from your hometown; and, if you already have chosen a college far away from your hometown, I am so beyond excited for you- not to mention proud.
