Question: Can a girl still call herself a girl if she’s never seen "The Notebook?"

The answer: Probably not.

Actually, I’ve never seen any Nicholas Sparks movie all the way through, simply because I just never understood the infatuation women seem to have with the movies or books (sorry, Sparks). While I’m a hopeless romantic, I just can’t sit through one of his movies without fearing that my eyes may get stuck rolled in the back of my head.

Well, I decided I was going to watch three Nicholas Sparks movies in one weekend. I thought it’d be extra special if I wrote down everything I said out loud at the screen while I sat in my bed with my cheetah print onesie on, green tea and my dogs by my side.

"The Notebook"

“Where’s the part where he says, ‘I wrote you every day for a year!’ Remember when Scott Disick said that to Kourtney, except he meant text messages. Ah, modern romance. I mean, now it would just be, ‘I snapped you every day for a year!’”

“This was the grandpa in eight "Simple Rules For Dating My Daughter." That was a great show. It was so sad when John Ritter passed away.”

“Is this really going to be worth the $5 I spent at Target? I could have bought five things from the Target Dollar Spot. Imagine all of the things I could have bought.”

“How many girls actually get summer loves? Is this just a 40’s and 50’s thing? Does this still happen?”

“Of course the mom went through the same thing! Come on, mom!”

“‘Read this to me and I’ll come back to you.’ I’m not crying, you’re crying!”

"The Last Song"

“What are the odds that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth would fall in love and then break it off and then get back together to get married? Who knows? Who cares? Is this real life?”

“Do I like post-Hannah Montana Miley or super-fun-unique Miley better? It’s the best of both worlds. Haha, I’m so stupid.”

“So much teen angst. You just need some cheesier music and this could be mistaken for a Disney Channel original movie.”

“Boys don’t move across the country to be with you. Unrealistic expectations.”

"The Lucky One"

“Bless Zac Efron. Bless him so much. He’s so pretty. I like this movie already.”

“Maybe it’s just because I still think of Troy Bolton, but this chick seems like she’s too old for him. I don’t know!”

“Oh, this chick is Piper from "Orange Is The New Black.”

“She was a lesbian in that. Or bisexual. Anyway, she gets to make out with Zac Efron. I wish I could make out with Zac Efron.”

“Who in their right mind wants a love triangle? What girl finds this kind of crap romantic? Boo!”

So, can you call yourself a girl if you've never seen a Nicholas Sparks movie? Of course you can. I'm a cynical one, but I think I'm funny and that's all that matters.