The concept of self-sabotage is something I do indeed have experience with in my personal life. Self-sabotage is exactly what it sounds like—doing things (or purposely not doing things...) that put you in a negative situation, whether it be socially, physically or mentally. Whether you're choosing to participate in certain activities or convincing yourself that something that you would like to do (or should do) is bad for you, it's all self-sabotage.
Although these habits may plague you in a different fashion, my experience with this usually accompanies bouts of depression and anxiety, where I feel awful in regards to my self-image, my status in my relationships, or my ability to complete work and tasks to the best of my ability. So, I play in to my illness and tell myself that it's ok to slack here, or do this thing, and not that other thing.
All in all, I have become aware of these short-comings and I have realized that instead of progressing towards recovery and healing, I am intentionally setting myself up for failure in order to fully embrace the identity that society tells me should come with dealing with mental illness. I have decided to out myself and my self-sabotaging habits in order to hopefully help you become aware of some of the things that you may ALSO be doing as self-sabotage that you may have never considered before.
1. Calling/texting your ex
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Yes, calling or texting an ex (sober or not) can be alluring, but you know that it will only end in regret, sadness and disdain. They are not the answer to whatever problem you are facing at the moment, and they wont be there for you when you get out of the fog that you're in when you reach out to them. They are your ex for a reason and they need to stay in your past. Calling an ex either means your still hung up on them or you are ready to let them have it for whatever horrible thing they did to you—neither are going to leave you feeling any better about yourself or whatever situation you're in.
You are setting yourself up for failure in so many different areas, and you know that you will leave the situation worse than you started. So maybe call a friend instead and cry it out over some ice cream or start a blog and write your heart out. But I promise, that person is not the one to help you in your time of need or heartache.
2. Not taking your prescription medications
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Prescription medications are provided for you for a very specific reason and until they are no longer prescribed, they are absolutely needed. In my own experience, I would trick myself in to thinking I was feeling better and that I didn't need them, or the classic, "I don't need a doctor to tell me what to do," self-talk would win me over. But that kind of self-sabotage can be extremely dangerous for so many reasons. You are not a medical professional and quitting medications cold-turkey can cause so many complications and negative side-effects (both physical and mental).
About three months after I quit taking my medications, without discussing with a medical professional OR telling anyone else in my life, I ended up in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, baker acted. My doctor didn't exactly say "I told you so," but I could see it in her eyes. So I understand that maybe you ARE feeling better and feel like you want to be free of the routine of your pill taking, but please, ask your doctor first. By "feeling free," you are setting back your progress and will have to start over. AKA, sabotage.
3. Skipping the gym
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Whether you consider yourself "fit" or not, exercise needs to be a very important part of everyone's lives. Not everyone has time to spend hours lifting at the gym or running marathons, but we can all take the long way around the parking lot or take the stairs. When we decide to not make exercise important, we not only sabotage our health, but we also sabotage our self-image and our confidence. Feeling like your bones are creaking or your out of breath after one flight of stairs is not only a sign that you're neglecting your health, but it doesn't exactly make you think very positively about yourself.
There are many people who are happy in the skin they're in and however they look—I am not one of those people. I want to look fit and feel in shape, so I plan on going to the gym. I plan and plan, but I don't actually end up going. So, I gain weight, feel lethargic (which affects the quality of my work, my social life, etc.) and skip the gym again. Its a vicious cycle that a lot of people are caught in and one that is the epitome of self-sabotage.
4. Pushing back deadlines or due-dates
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This one is pretty simple. I understand that when you are in a rut or a dark place, completing tasks can definitely be a difficult feat. So you tell yourself you'll do that assignment on Friday, or you'll make that doctors appointment next week, or you'll write that article the day its due (yes, I'm totally calling myself out on this one...). But when you push and push and push, you're anxiety levels are only elevated and you end up having an impossible amount of things to complete and not enough hours in the day.
One way to go about changing this habit is to make a list, and start with the more difficult and time consuming tasks. By being able to do some of the more stressful things first, you have a boost of confidence and energy, you have one thing out of the way, and you're on a roll to the next few things. By spreading out your tasks, you leave room for some leisure and breaks, and all that you have to do can be completed with less stress attached. Not to mention, when you're not under a time crunch and weighed down by anxiety, you'll probably be able to create a better product!
5. Isolating yourself
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Canceling plans may be your best option sometimes; maybe you need some time to yourself, to relax and unwind. However, pushing people away, ignoring people who reach out and deciding to stay in 7 days a week is most definitely self-sabotage. When you push and push and push, most people do not know how to react and stop trying to connect with you. Yes, you may feel freer of social responsibility and you may have that time you needed to disconnect with the outside world and reconnect within, when you are in a rut or in need of a shoulder to lean on, you will be out of luck. You'll look around begging and reaching for someone's hand to hold through your dark times, but there will be no one there for you because you pushed them all away. Then, in your dark times you will fall in to a well of, "I knew no one liked me," and, "I don't have anyone who cares about me," and you will fall deeper and deeper.
Yes, those who love and care about you will quickly rebound when you're ready to talk and be free of the chains of whatever ails you, but that can be confusing for some and it can be hard to give people so much responsibility. You are in charge, and you need to act like it. By pushing everyone away, you only leave room for sadness and loneliness, and you need to take responsibility for that. So please, work to maintain your relationships. Talk to your friends and family and keep them in the loop—without the information, they are left to draw their own conclusions, and you never know how that might effect your relationship in the process.
There are so many other things that we as human beings choose to do and choose to ignore the consequences of. We do small things, like choose to eat and drink things we shouldn't and know will make us feel like crap, or spend money we don't really have on things we don't really need. Some do big things, things that affect their future more seriously—breaking their sobriety and taking a drink or hit at a party or quitting your job without having a back-up. ALL of these are serious. I think the first step to saving yourself from this cycle of self-sabotage is to recognize it; you can't make a change unless you know something needs to change! I hope you leave this being more cognizant of your choices and how they affect YOU.
Until next week friends!
