Recently, an Alabama student released an article providing reasons for why Alabama is a better school than Clemson. Rather than fight back with obvious reasons for why Clemson is always better (we have a higher ranked 2018 recruiting class, just sayin'), here are some things I'd much rather do than attend the University of Alabama:

1. Wear low-rise jeans

2. Forget the existence of every Vine I've ever watched

3. Eat a tide pod

4. Sign up for all 8 am classes

5. Lick the floor of a frat house

6. Attend the University of South Carolina

Okay, debatable.

7. Show up to Chipotle, only for there to be an extreme shortage of guac

8. Listen to Nickelback on repeat

9. Walk to class in the pouring rain without a rain jacket

10. Shower only in cold water

11. Try to find an available parking spot on campus

12. Eat dining hall food for the rest of my life

13. Go without napping for a straight week

14. Cancel my Netflix subscription

15. Participate in email chainmail

16. Hit every red light while running errands

17. Hold a conversation with Lil Pump

18. Walk uphill in every direction

19. Drink orange juice after brushing my teeth

20. Shave off my left eyebrow

21. Drink a Four Loko

22. Have my car break down on 85

23. Open the washing machine to see my laundry has been stolen

24. Never pet a dog again

25. Get hit in the head with a full, flying beer can at a darty

26. Listen to Ross Geller say, "We were on a break!"

27. Attend a Taylor Swift concert

28. Drink expired milk

29. Drive around a crowded parking garage for hours upon hours

30. Listen to people cough extremely hard during an exam