Here's the lowdown. I don’t serial question/disrespect your major, so lay off mine. Please and thanks!

1. What are you gonna do with a philosophy degree?

This is almost always said with a negative connotation of disapproval, rather than the general curiosity one would expect if asked what they were going to do with a civil engineering degree. Any job utilizing superb writing and analytical skills will appreciate the addition of a philosophy major. Law schools value our unique ability to reason. So to answer your question, we can do a lot of things with a philosophy degree. And no, we don't want to become philosophers, we already are ones.

2. Ok philosopher, what's the solution to the trolley problem?

Stay away from trolleys.

3. Aren't philosophy majors high all the time?

I'm assuming you mean high on life? Right? No?

...

4. But really, how hard can it be?

Have you ever read Descartes' Meditations? Or Immanuel Kant's Critique of Pure Reason? How about Aristotle’s Physics? Aristotle's’ Nicomachean and Eudemian Ethics? Honestly, anything written by Aristotle? Try reading some of these and then writing papers on them, outlining their arguments and advancing substantial objections to them. I promise you it is not easy.

Also, have you ever heard of symbolic logic? Search it on google and then click images. Cheers.

5. Say something philosophical.

Your shoelace is untied. I mean it might not be, you might not actually be real, but I’m pretty sure it's just untied.

6. Sitting across from my friend's mom:

Friend's mom says to friend, “I'm so relieved you're not an English major or...what's that other useless one...philosophy, a philosophy major, I’m so glad you're not one of those.”

*Friend looks at me uncomfortably*

*Friend's mom looks at me*

“Honey, what did you say your major was again?”

7. And for the love of all things good, just be yourself.