1. Do not ignore me. 

Honestly, you'd think this one would be common knowledge, right? Well, sadly, it isn't. "Hi ma'am, welcome to Molly Malloy's! How many are in your party?" And they ignore you and walk right on by. Which leads me to my next point.

2. Do not seat yourself. 

It is literally my job to seat you. For the love of all things holy, do not walk right past me and do it yourself.

3. Do not do my job for me. 

Yes, Susan, I know my busboy is currently cleaning off the booth in the corner. Yes, Deborah, I know that table is open and that you saw it when you walked in. There is a reason I am making you wait .000005 seconds longer to sit down, let me do my job.

4. Do not get mad when your party of 6+ cannot be seated immediately. 

This might be different for other hosts depending on the size of your dining room and the number of tables available. But I work in the Reading Terminal Market in Philadelphia. My dining room only have 15 tables, four of those tables only seat two people. Coming into an extremely crowded, busy, popular tourist attraction with more than 6 people is a recipe for disaster, so do not take it out on me when your wait is 20+ minutes. Find a McDonald's if you're that hungry.

5. Do not ask for a different table after I've already seated you. 

I get it, everyone loves to sit in a booth. But I didn't sit you at that specific table for the hell of it. Waiters/waitresses depend on tips, and their tips depend on me. It is up to me, your hostess, to rotate tables accordingly, so that the customers, and their money, are spread evenly. I put you at that table because that waitress is next in rotation to get a table. Seating you elsewhere throws off the cycle, so please don't ask, no matter how badly you want that booth.

6. Do not sit at a dirty table. 

I honestly don't even know why this one even has to be said, but it does, because this happens incredibly too much. Picture this: a party of four walk up to my hostess stand and as I open my mouth to greet them, they continue right on by. Then to my horror, I see they're making a beeline for a dirty table. They seat themselves before I can get to them, and then things become awkward. "Sorry ma'am, I can't seat you here because the table... is dirty." And then, "Oh no, it's okay, we'll wait here while you guys clean it off, we don't mind. You guys are capable of that, right? Cleaning? Haha."

DO. NOT. DO. THIS. Just don't.

7. Do not ask me see a menu and then get mad at me for items/prices.

Trust me, I understand that our cheesesteaks are ridiculously overpriced but... surprise! I didn't make the menu! I didn't set the prices! Crazy, right? So for the love of all things holy, when you ask to see the menu and are appalled by the prices or food selection, do not take it out on me.

8. Do not insist that your party of 9 can fit at a table for 4. 

We all took basic math in high school right? So we all know that five, six, seven and eight are all bigger than four, right? Then why are you trying to sit more people at a table than it can hold???? I told you there isn't enough room FOR A REASON. Your party of seven cannot fit at a table for four, plain and simple.

9. Do not just stroll into my restaurant because you have friends already seated. 

Did I seat your friends? Yes. Did I seat you? No. So don't just stroll past me because your friends have a table. You still have to check in with me, the hostess. Do you need a table? Do you guys need menus? Drink or food menus? Both? Just because your friends are already sitting doesn't mean I don't have a job to do.