I just danced in a movie theater parking lot to songs that have been stuck in my head for an entire week with some of my favorite people in the world after each of us returned home from seven days at St. Vincent’s Summer Camp. I then thought about how life-changing this place has been from campers, counselors, and adults alike. It altered my life mostly because it educated me on some very pivotal topics that have made me who I am today. Let’s just say, as the list goes on — it gets really real.
1. Ziplines are painful
Even though I have a chronic fear of ladders, even that is not the most unsavory aspect of zip lining. Harnesses, although designed for safety, actually most closely resemble a medieval torture device for crotches everywhere. I would rather fall out of tree than have to endure the burning chafe-nation that is safety gear to the thunder thighs. It is like watermelons wrapped by rubber bands… not cute. I did see a cool turtle on the way down though. Her name was Shelly.
2. Horses are also painful
Camps hate crotches- there I said it. There is no worse imaginable pain than when you are minding your own business, perusing through a corn field, sitting on Snickers, and then all of the sudden the lovable (yet malicious) mare decides to stop to eat the husks. You think nothing of it… until you begin to fall behind the pack. So, Snickers decides to catch up. Snickers decide to run. Snickers doesn’t care about your pelvic girdle! And just when you think the torment is over, savage Snickers decides she is hungry again, and again, and again.
3. Fuse beads are modern art
Like any classic summer camp, this one comes with an arts and crafts department, and the ultimate battle is who can deliver the most majestic, beauteous, labyrinthine, meticulous fuse beading. If you don’t know what fuse beads are, you are missing out on the greatest advancement in art since the painting of the Sistine Chapel in 1512. The multicolored tiny cylinders test the patience but result in a final masterpiece worthy of gifting to a “special friend”.
4. Bears are scary
Y’ALL. There. Was, Not one. BUT T W O - bear scares at camp. I thought, that when the adults casually said a full-grown black bear was sleeping 20 feet behind the boy’s dormitory that the fuzzy horror was all over… But then two days later, on a morning jog, two fellow campers saw the worst sight of them all: a bear cub. THAT MEANS THE BIG BEAR WAS A MOMMA BEAR. Do you know what momma bears do? They PROTECT. I am lucky to be alive (even if I never actually saw the bears). I am a survivor.
5. I am OUT of shape
Upon the first night game of camp: my brain was introspectively ready, my team was stretched from quads to wrists, and my body was… a mess. Once my team began sprinting the first few steps to our first challenge is when I realized, I don’t think I had run since last year’s camp, and, I will most likely not run again until next year’s camp. And, I am perfectly content with being a bag of vanilla pudding, until my undependable feet are needed again to ensure Group 2’s success next year.
6. Innovation can happen in swimming pools
I never believed that anything could surpass the influence of the assembly line and the light bulb, but it has been accomplished, in the depths a swimming pool. And the key is another pool in your pool. Step one is to smack a kiddie pool into a full-sized swimming pool. Next, fill the baby pool with the perfect balance of people between- if at any wrong move you could simultaneously suffocate and drown- and -by some miraculous water gravity phenomenon you are still afloat- and enjoy! If you ignore the unsettling amount of legs touching you at any given time it matriculates into a wonderful, overly intimate time.
7. Shaving cream is a dangerous weapon
Another staple of camp is Ye Olde Shaving Cream Battle. The artillery is Barbasol, and the objective is to engulf everyone while simultaneously staying clean. Sounds fun, right? Yeah it is, until there is shaving cream in places you don’t want to know about. At the end of the bloodshed you are left blind from thecolossal pile cloaking your face and deaf from the shaving cream corking your eardrums. However, the worst of it all is the GLACIAL waters that splurged from the camp hose, numbing and destroying every nerve in your weak, frosty body. But overall a great time! 10/10.
8. Lip synching is hard work
The first day we arrive at camp we fight for which hit song is going to determine our competitive future. The most cutthroat competition of the 21st century is the coveted Lip-Synch Battle. An artistic story line, intense choreography, a glimmer of comedic relief, and the most polished and pristine facial expressions and mouth mimicry come together to form one dazzling spectacle to compete against other skits of top 40’s hits such as Sk8r Boi, Party in the U.S.A., and 1985 at the end of the camp week. It takes blood, sweat, and a hell lot of jazz hands but in the end it becomes one hip-shaking cacophonous beauty.
9. Religion isn’t needed for a religious experience
Although SVS camp has it’s craziness as aforementioned, it still also has the “church” in church camp sprinkled in. So, when I was told we were having an evening vespers, I was expecting a short, run-of-the-mill prayer service. This thought was even more solidified when I entered the chapel to find lit candles and portraits of saints scattered throughout the room. So I was then pleasantly surprised when the priest told us that what we had to do was scatter to wherever we wanted in the church and feel a connection. I settled on the floor of the left corner near a burning candle and a picture of St. Francis of Assisi, just thinking. I then found that 15 minutes later I started crying for nothing in particular yet jointly it felt deeply personal. I was feeling insignificant and out of place until I scanned the room to find every eye seeping with tears; brothers comforting brothers, and friends offering shoulders for weeping heads, and others dispensing tissues while crying themselves. And in that moment of pure silence, I had never felt more religious.
10. “It’s weird not to be weird”
The priest said this John Lennon quote during his homily, and I heard these words echo a few more times before returning home on Saturday. And it made me think, that these people, are some of the strangest people I have ever met. They constantly recite the memorized lyrics of blink-182’s, “I Miss You”, in a horrible impression of the lead singer. They love pretending to be ghosts. They have a weird infatuation with french toast casserole, Celine Dion, the word “extra”, chanting, jorts, popular dance moves (like the dab, drop, and whip), mouthing words, the card game Mafia, and of course, Fuse Beads. But to them/us, I guess that isn’t weird, it’s just being undoubtedly ourselves. Conversation here can go from poop jokes to future talk in milliseconds. The freeze pops there are almost as colorful as the people.
How to describe what camp is is the most challenging thing to do however. Amidst the basics of summer camps everywhere, like boats, zip-lines, and rock walls, there is a religious aspect apt for our generation as well, and that is blended with a knock-off theater camp teeming with murder mysteries and lip synchs and fashion shows, fold in a camp for bad dancing and singing (and a camp for training hunters, since there is a bear now), and you have it. But the description can never uphold the weird yet amazing people and experiences that will develop from actually living and experiencing a place such as this one. So be weird, avoid bears, put a pool in another pool, and make fuse bead masterpiece using all of the important lessons learned from a week at summer camp.
