It’s probably true that the advice I give you will go into one ear and escape out the other. You’ll read my words, find truth in them but fail to apply them. That’s okay. The advice I give you has no real credibility other than my own personal experiences. I have completely transformed as a person - physically, mentally and spiritually. These lessons I have learned before turning 21 happened during the best of times and the worst of times. Life has given me some home runs which has forced me to learn how to be humble and recognize how hard work can go an extremely long way. But I've also been thrown some curve balls which have forced me to learn how to handle tough situations. Without the rough patches, obstacles and hardships, I would have never been able to acknowledge my own inner strength as a person. I do not have a doubt in my mind that there will be more life lessons to be learned, but here are some lessons I learned before turning 21.
1. It's Okay To Not Have It All Figured Out.
There is this overwhelming stigma that during our 20's, we have to have our shit together by the time we are college graduates. With my graduation in a little less than a year, I can't help but feel the overwhelming pressure to have a plan after school. What no one tells us is that it is okay to not have the rest of our lives planned out because it is. Our brains are still developing, we're learning new things about ourselves and others, and we're figuring out who we want to be. There is nothing wrong with switching your major 5 times or with not having a major at all. It's okay to date around and It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to not know where you'll be in 10 years. Life is about figuring all of that out, but that doesn't mean you have to know the day you graduate. So take a deep breath, you're doing just fine. Enjoy the ride.
2. Enjoy The Power And Beauty Of Your Youth.
You will never understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've already faded and have gone. You’ll look back
3. It’s Okay To Be Selfish.
It's okay to take care of yourself before you take care of others. How can you be of aid to anyone if you’re not well yourself? While it’s important to help others just don’t forget that you’re important too. You shouldn’t allow other people’s desires to eclipse your own needs. Never allow anyone to guilt trip you into putting them first. I used to go around trying to please people and trying to make them better when I wasn’t in a good place myself. The point is not to do this so you never help others; The point is to give to yourself first so that you are able to help others.
4. Follow Your Intuition, Do What You Want.
Countless times I’ve been presented with a situation where things just didn’t feel right. 9/10 times your gut feeling is more accurate than you think. If it feels wrong, don’t do it. If it feels right, go for it despite what anyone else thinks. Better to look back knowing it was something you wanted to do and that you tried it rather than looking back on a past situation with regret. Life is about trial and error. Failure is a key component to success.
5. Sometimes You’re Going To Hurt Others And It’s Not Your Fault.
In continuation of the previous realizations, being selfish and doing what you want sometimes causes you to hurt others, but it’s inevitable. You’re not perfect, you’re not a saint, you should not live to please others. The simple fact that you went out and did something that made you happy shouldn't automatically label you as an awful person. You cannot please everyone and you are not a perfect being.
6. It’s Okay To Not Care.
You don’t care about your neighbor experiencing a leak, you don’t care that your classmate just broke up with her boyfriend, you don’t care that your teacher had a terrible commute on the way to class. Sometimes you just…don't care and that’s okay. Better to be honest than to pretend to give a fuck about a situation that doesn’t affect you.
7. Failure Is A Part Of Life.
You’re not going to succeed every single time and that’s okay. Sometimes you’re going to fail an exam, you’re going to lose that race and you’re going to get the wrong answer (maybe even several times). Your failures don’t make you worthless, they mold you into a survivor. Your scars are badges of courage. Never let these things knock you down completely.
8. Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone.
How are you going to know what is and is not in your comfort zone if you never take any chances? If you don't like something feel free to never do it again, but at least you can say you tried. Some of the best experiences of my life happened because I tried something completely out of character and a little scary. Don't knock it till you try it!
9. A Long Friendship Doesn't Equate To A Good Friendship.
We've all had that one friend who we've been friends with since our younger years and we can't quite figure out why we still label them the way we do. Just because you have been friends since high school or elementary school doesn't mean that the relationship is a healthy one. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and reevaluate your friendship to get a greater understanding. Sometimes friendships flourish after evaluation, other's are terminated. You live, you change, you grow, and sometimes you grow a part. It happens, don't dwell on it. It's okay to let people go.
10. People Come And Go, But The Right Ones Will Stay.
You will learn very quickly that not everyone is your friend. Not everyone will have your best interests at heart. Some people are cruel and selfish. Some people will skate through life only caring about themselves, disregarding who they hurt in the process. But you will also find people that do care. You'll make friends that give you incredible memories. They'll make time for you, confide in you, and add light to your life. They'll pick you up when you're down, and they'll always have your back no matter what. These are the people that are few and far between. Make sure you cherish them and never let them go a day without knowing how much they mean to you.
11. His Opinion Of You Doesn’t Matter.
There have been many people in my life who have given their opinion without my having asked for it. I do not suspect that these people will be the last of their kind. There's always going to be someone who's "better", "prettier", "smarter", but they don't make you any less fantastic. I can't tell you how many times I've cried because he chose someone over me because she was "prettier" or "nicer." I’ve learned to not value the opinions of others so much. All that matters is how I see myself. Never allow anyone to make you feel inferior. If he's so blind as to not see your value then do you really want him? Let me answer that for you: no!
12. Just Because One Boy Doesn’t Love You Doesn’t Mean They All Won’t.
One unrequited boy (or several) doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. We’ve all got at least one person who we’ve fantasized marrying and living a life together but sometimes these things just don’t work out. It happens. There are plenty of fish in the sea, don’t focus your life on fishing; Enjoy the waves and the view until a fish finally catches.
13. It's Okay To Say No.
It's okay to say no to that party invitation on Saturday, to that movie date, to that meal, to that boy. Don't feel obligated to do something just because someone asked you. It's okay to decline, negate, and refuse.
14. Speak Your Mind
Give your opinion when asked, and sometimes give it even when you haven’t been asked. Keep people on their toes, only the soft will think you’re cruel. Don’t be reckless with people’s hearts and don’t tolerate people who are reckless with yours. Value yourself.
15. Cry Your Heart Out Every Once In A While.
You don't have to be tough all the time, it's okay to feel a lot. Find that spot where you feel most safe and have your moment to just let it all out. Crying doesn't make you weak, it's acknowledging your feelings and replenishing your soul. I guarantee you, the pressure on your heart and soul will feel relieved once you've had a good cry.
16. Travel, Travel, TRAVEL.
Whether it's down the block, to another borough, to an another state or to another country, please take every opportunity to get away from home. You wouldn't believe the differences you'll find simply migrating from New York City to Upstate New York; it goes from buildings and bodegas to cute houses and trees really quickly. The world is a huge place and limiting yourself to one location would be the greatest tragedy of all. A sheltered and closed view of life is not a life to have. Leave home, it'll be the greatest adventure you ever take.
17. Money Comes And Goes.
Don't be cheap! If there's a restaurant out there that you've been dying to try then save up and go eat. If there's a trip you've been dying to take then take it. What's the point of that job you work at 5 days a week if you never take the opportunity to indulge in the things your finances can bring you? Don't spend it recklessly but don't have it sitting in your account collecting dust waiting for you to gain enough courage to use it.
18. Learn How To Be Alone
Take a trip alone and get to know yourself. Solitude can be eye opening and necessary.Be independent; learn never to depend on others but to ask for help when it finds itself necessary. Suck up your pride you'll be thankful in the long-run.
19. Not Every Action Deserves a Reaction.
Do not attend every argument to which you’re invited to, pick and choose your battles. You can lose a battle but ultimately win the war. Patience is key. Just breathe.
20. Spend Time With Your Parents.
You never know when your parents will be gone for good. you'll never know when you'll be eating your mother's last home-cooked meal, or sitting on the couch with your father after a long day of class or work.Get to know your singlings, they are the key to your past and the ones who will undoubtedly stick by you in the future. You'll miss the little things: the bickering, the disagreements, the hugs, the kisses and the worries that come along with having parents. And get to know your siblings, they are the key to your past and the ones who will undoubtedly stick by you in the future; put effort into knowing them and to love them.
21. Everything Is Going To Work Out.
Life is filled with many obstacles and financial instability. There are some mornings where you’re so confident about how life is going and then by the end of the night you’re feeling hopeless and defeated – don’t let these intervals of trial and tribulation weaken you because they are, in fact, temporary. In times of great distraught, remember that you’re not depressed, you’re just letting your current circumstances overwhelm you. You are okay, everything will be okay. Take a deep breath. The clouds may be looking gray right now but the sun can’t stay away forever.
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