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Things I've Said To My Campers

Kids make you say weird things.

Kerry Gunter

Aug 17, 2016

Brighton, NY

hellokarate

Being a counselor for 9-13 year old's has been pretty eventful. All of these were said by either me or one of my co-counselors.

1. Stop being naked all the time.

2. No, Spread the peanut butter, don't hit it. We use the knife for spreading, not for hitting.

3. Stop rubbing each other.

4. Don't pee on people. And don't threaten to pee on them, either.

5. Pick the shirt off the floor. Put it in the opening of your duffel bag. Don't fold the bag and put the shirt there, bags don't work like that. In the opening. Good. Now take the zipper. Very good. Now zip it up. Congrats, you've figured out how to put things in a bag.

6. If you walk in front of me buck-naked clutching your clothes in your arm, saying, "I'm going to change in the shower because I care about my privacy", you clearly don't care about your privacy.

7. Stop watching the boys change.Stop watching the boys pee.

8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.
Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

9. Your nipple's out.

10. Stop moaning. Now.

11. Even in a foreign language, you still can't curse.

12. If your water bottle fell in the porta-potty, for Pete's sake just throw it out.

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Things I've Said To My Campers

Kids make you say weird things.

1. Stop being naked all the time.

2. No, Spread the peanut butter, don't hit it. We use the knife for spreading, not for hitting.

3. Stop rubbing each other.

4. Don't pee on people. And don't threaten to pee on them, either.

5. Pick the shirt off the floor. Put it in the opening of your duffel bag. Don't fold the bag and put the shirt there, bags don't work like that. In the opening. Good. Now take the zipper. Very good. Now zip it up. Congrats, you've figured out how to put things in a bag.

6. If you walk in front of me buck-naked clutching your clothes in your arm, saying, "I'm going to change in the shower because I care about my privacy", you clearly don't care about your privacy.

7. Stop watching the boys change.Stop watching the boys pee.

8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

9. Your nipple's out.

10. Stop moaning. Now.

11. Even in a foreign language, you still can't curse.

12. If your water bottle fell in the porta-potty, for Pete's sake just throw it out.

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5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

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8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.
Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

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