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Things I've Said To My Campers

Kids make you say weird things.

Kerry Gunter

Aug 17, 2016

Brighton, NY

hellokarate

Being a counselor for 9-13 year old's has been pretty eventful. All of these were said by either me or one of my co-counselors.

1. Stop being naked all the time.

2. No, Spread the peanut butter, don't hit it. We use the knife for spreading, not for hitting.

3. Stop rubbing each other.

4. Don't pee on people. And don't threaten to pee on them, either.

5. Pick the shirt off the floor. Put it in the opening of your duffel bag. Don't fold the bag and put the shirt there, bags don't work like that. In the opening. Good. Now take the zipper. Very good. Now zip it up. Congrats, you've figured out how to put things in a bag.

6. If you walk in front of me buck-naked clutching your clothes in your arm, saying, "I'm going to change in the shower because I care about my privacy", you clearly don't care about your privacy.

7. Stop watching the boys change.Stop watching the boys pee.

8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.
Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

9. Your nipple's out.

10. Stop moaning. Now.

11. Even in a foreign language, you still can't curse.

12. If your water bottle fell in the porta-potty, for Pete's sake just throw it out.

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Things I've Said To My Campers

Kids make you say weird things.

1. Stop being naked all the time.

2. No, Spread the peanut butter, don't hit it. We use the knife for spreading, not for hitting.

3. Stop rubbing each other.

4. Don't pee on people. And don't threaten to pee on them, either.

5. Pick the shirt off the floor. Put it in the opening of your duffel bag. Don't fold the bag and put the shirt there, bags don't work like that. In the opening. Good. Now take the zipper. Very good. Now zip it up. Congrats, you've figured out how to put things in a bag.

6. If you walk in front of me buck-naked clutching your clothes in your arm, saying, "I'm going to change in the shower because I care about my privacy", you clearly don't care about your privacy.

7. Stop watching the boys change.Stop watching the boys pee.

8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

9. Your nipple's out.

10. Stop moaning. Now.

11. Even in a foreign language, you still can't curse.

12. If your water bottle fell in the porta-potty, for Pete's sake just throw it out.

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This isn't just for the single Pringles out there either, folks

Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

Eat the Last Few Pigs in a Blanket

Pop Twelve White Grapes

Burn Something

Smash Things Against a Wall

Spontaneously Begin an Irish Jig

Call Your Mother

Throw a Coffee Table Out a Window

Sing "Auld Lang Syne" at the Top of Your Lungs

Do Some Squats

Swan Dive into a Nearly Freezing Body of Water

Take a Shot

Time to be merry and bright.

"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

"A Holly Jolly Christmas" by Burl Ives

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by Kelly Clarkson

"All I Want for Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey

"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

"Last Christmas" by Taylor Swift

"The Christmas Song" by Josh Groban

"White Christmas" by Idina Menzel

"O Holy Night" by David Archuleta

"Believe" by Josh Groban

"Les cloches du hameau" by Celine Dion

Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

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8. Stop chasing after your crush. No I mean stop literally running after him blowing kisses. He doesn't like that. I know because he told me.
Stop talking about your family's racist tendencies.

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