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Things I've Actually Heard College Students Say

"And they were roommates"

Alwayzsmilrajvi

Jul 17, 2019

University of South Florida

Things I've Actually Heard College Students Say

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1) "Look how pretty my notes are!! Too bad I'll never study them."

2) "I look fine in class but I'm dying inside."

3) "I've never seen frozen and at this point, I'm afraid to."

4) "When the professor shows up I'm just gonna get up, make eye contact, and leave."

5) "Shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes."

6) "Is it acceptable to throw myself out the window after we take this exam."

7) "I need more gay people in my life, I'm suffocating in straights."

8) "I think I'm just gonna sleep outside and let the sun burn me until I die."

9) "Why the fuck would I pay 5 dollars for a grilled cheese? Oh wait they're delivering them? ok buy 3."

10) "I feel like a child but I look like an adult and I think it throws a lot of people off."

11) "yo look at this dog! I want this dog. This dog is my homie."

12) "I got super drunk and told everyone I was a lesbian."

13) "Instead of studying art we should MAKE ART WITH OUR BODIES."

14) "Don't do drugs! Unless they're free."

15) "GO CRAZY!!! GO STUPID!!!."

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Things I've Actually Heard College Students Say

"And they were roommates"

1) "Look how pretty my notes are!! Too bad I'll never study them."

2) "I look fine in class but I'm dying inside."

3) "I've never seen frozen and at this point, I'm afraid to."

4) "When the professor shows up I'm just gonna get up, make eye contact, and leave."

5) "Shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes."

6) "Is it acceptable to throw myself out the window after we take this exam."

7) "I need more gay people in my life, I'm suffocating in straights."

8) "I think I'm just gonna sleep outside and let the sun burn me until I die."

9) "Why the fuck would I pay 5 dollars for a grilled cheese? Oh wait they're delivering them? ok buy 3."

10) "I feel like a child but I look like an adult and I think it throws a lot of people off."

11) "yo look at this dog! I want this dog. This dog is my homie."

12) "I got super drunk and told everyone I was a lesbian."

13) "Instead of studying art we should MAKE ART WITH OUR BODIES."

14) "Don't do drugs! Unless they're free."

15) "GO CRAZY!!! GO STUPID!!!."

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"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

27. When you get assigned the most incompetent group of people possible for a group project.

28. I need a comfort dog so I can avoid all life and school responsibilities.

"A Christmas Story" is the star on top of the tree.

Who isn't stressing out over finals right now?

'tis the season to be jolly!

May the odds be ever in your favor.

Phase One: The “I got this” phase

Phase Two: The “I have time” phase

Phase Three: The uncontrollable sobbing phase

Phase Four: The “help me, I've fallen and I can't get up” phase

Phase Five: The rejoicing phase

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