As much fun as it is being a strong-independent-woman-who-don't-need-no-man, there are still times when we meet a guy who just might stand a small chance. Alas, his chance is often diminished when he proceeds to say any of these things below.
1. Do you give good massages?
Are you freaking kidding me? Something tells me that he's not just talking about any ordinary massage (if you know what I mean).
2. Where do you live?
If you actually think I'm going to tell you where I live...after meeting you on a dating app...you're messing with the wrong chick. How about we go out on a date first?
3. Can't you just come over?
Even when you make it clear that talking about your favorite Netflix series over chips and guacamole at your favorite Mexican restaurant is more your style, he'd rather stay at home. And no, he's not going to cook you tacos at his place, either.
4. *6 hours after you send a message* idk
Was it so hard for you to type three letters six hours ago? Forget you.
5. I'm single.
You don't say? Then please explain the swiping right disorder that seems to have plagued your thumb.
6. I never do this/I don't just do this with anyone.
Call him out on this bullshit. He's just trying to make you feel special, but actions speak louder than words. Remember that, ladies.
7. I just want to cuddle.
That's what the comfy pillows on my bed are for...where I will be sleeping alone, you creep.
8. You're so sexy.
This is his way of saying, "So are you going to get in my pants now or what?"
9. Let's just hang out tonight instead.
You two make plans for Friday night, he cancels. Or even worse, you get stood up. Don't expect me to change my plans for your needy ass. Definitely, don't Snapchat me at 11 p.m. because you just want one thing and nothing else. Screw you.
10. You have to understand, I have a busy schedule.
Oh yeah, I totally understand. I'm pretty busy myself, but at least I can prioritize my commitments. Buy a fucking planner.
11. I should have messaged you, no excuses.
Yeah, I know. Thanks for confirming you have at least have a conscience.
12. You're the only girl I talk to.
Oh, just like you're the only piece of trash I thought I actually might have liked.
13. I love you.
Words mean nothing without actions.
14. I'm the man of your dreams.
Have you seen Matthew McConaughey in "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days"?
15. Oh...we're not having sex?
I can't believe you actually thought I would fall for that crap.
16. I want to see you like right now.
And I want cheese fries like right now, but we all want what we can't have, don't we?
17. Want to watch a movie?
No, we're not having sex.
18. I know it's past midnight, but I live right around the corner.
My comfy pajamas, a cup of tea, and my favorite show sound way than you ever will.
19. There's an empty spot on my bed just for you.
There's an empty parking spot right over there. Oh wait, what's that sign say? "Reserved for Fuck Boys." Perfect, just for you.
20. Oh don't worry, I'm clean.
I appreciate the directness, but we weren't headed there anytime soon.
21. Let's just see what happens.
More like, "let's just mess around for two months, no strings attached, until one of us gets attached and is left heartbroken." So, no, let's not.
22. Where have you been all my life?
Oh, is that what the guys are saying these days?
23. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven because you're an angel?
Cut the crap, dude.
24. I'm not looking for a one-night stand, you're
"take home to mom" material.
I might be "take home to mom" material, but you sure as hell aren't.
25. When can we hang out? I feel like you're making excuses to avoid meeting me...
Yo, I tried to make plans with you but you were "too busy." And now you're reaching out to me? Well, guess what? I'm busy.
26. You're the only person I've talked to in a really long time.
Person or girl with standards?
27. I can't believe you're single??
If only it weren't for assholes like you.
