So I consider myself a Kanye fan, but with his recent rhetoric I've been a bit more reticent to listen to anything new. Then today I found out he was exclusivly streaming a listing party for his new album at 9:00 pm on the WAV app, and scoopity poopity I was intrigued and so in! While in wait I did the following:

1. Started making some pasta.

2. Got frustrated trying to sign up for whatever WAV is.

3. Finally got in and saw a lot of N-words on the WAV chat.

4. Took a shot of whiskey.

5. Watched as the KANYE WEST LISTENING PARTY on WAV showed a lot of changing camera angles of horses. and speakers, and fires.

6. Did more shots of whiskey.

7. Questioned why I was here to begin with.

8. Realized that's why Kanye wants and that I am a pruppet.

9. Saw that as of 9:55 pm shit still hasn't started.

10. Again questioned why I am here.

11. Saw another cute shot of horses.

12. Ignored the new episode of Jersey Shore Reunion that's on in the background where Angelina comes back even though this show has been mostly horrible so far but there might be a fight, so I'm IN, but not so much, I guess.

13. Watched a bunch of people walk in front of the WAV frame.

14. Thought back to the time that K. West dropped in the Rolling Stone offices to play My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy during a meeting and cried while listening to his own album.

15. Finally ate some pasta, and because I was starved I ate too much.

16. At 10:01 I wished I could have the luxury of taking time off and hanging out with horses in order to fulfill my dream of taking time off and hanging out with horses.

17. Wondered why someone who has so much is so prepared to screw people out of so little.

18. Realized that I am willing to show up for many people who do not show up for me.

19. Wondered what kind of mental space I need to be in to continuously give my all to people while getting so little in return.

20. Started thinking it goes back to my childhood when my parents divorced, and then my father left us to shack up with a younger woman. Once he came back into my life there was an express expectation of eggshell walking. I'd have to be "good enough" to stay in his life.

21. Whatever "good enough" means.

22. As of 10:16 pm there is a close up of a fire, but it is seemingly no closer to the actual listening party.

23. Every time I see my father I think this is going to be the time that he will actually want an in-depth relationship with me. This time i am funny, pretty, and daughter enough.

24. I never am though, and will always wait.

25. It's getting really dark in Wyoming.

26. It's even darker and later in Minnesota.

27. I'm getting tired

28. He's just going to start when I tap out.

29. And I do.

30. So he does.