The end of Thanksgiving break symbolizes two things: 1. the official beginning of the Christmas season, and 2. final exams. As much as I love Christmas and would like to get into the holiday spirit, the reality is that the impending doom and gloom of final exams is harshing my Christmas mellow. Here are 100 things I would rather do than take my final exams:
1. Drop out of college.
2. Cancel my Netflix subscription.
3. Watch a Barney marathon.
4. Punch a puppy in the face.
5. Call my ex back.
6. Skydive with a questionable parachute.
7. Highfive a porcupine.
8. Brush my teeth with acid.
9. Wax all of the hair off of my head.
10. Pay for Spotify Premium.
11. Sleep in a bed infested with bedbugs.
12. Spend a night in jail.
13. Drink a bottle of hot sauce.
14. Squeeze lemons into my eyes.
15. Let my parents read my group chats.
16. Let my mum pick out my clothes.
17. Let my dad decide who I can and cannot date.
18. Run a beer mile.
19. Delete my Instagram account.
20. Go hiking in flip flops in the winter.
21. Poke my high school principal on Facebook.
22. Only shop at Gap.
23. Body slide across a turf field...naked.
24. Eat sushi sold out of the trunk of someone's car.
25. Get dumped by the person I'm dating.
26. Pay my tuition out of pocket.
27. Watch a documentary on fleas.
28. Take a bunch of laxatives.
29. Eat too many sour candies so my tongue turns raw.
30. Ice skate with bare feet.
31. Shave my eyebrows off.
32. Throw away all of my make up.
33. Never be able to wear leggings again.
34. Let my Snapchat archive be released to the public.
35. Break both of my legs.
36. Get a root canal.
37. Let my brother punch me in the throat.
38. Snort baby powder until my nose bleeds.
39. Let the rats on campus run all over my body.
40. Raise my hand in lecture and ask the professor to reiterate a point even though he's about to let us out of class early.
41. Never be able to watch football again.
42. Pay for Flotrack Pro.
43. Bathe myself in baby oil and sour cream.
44. Never be able to eat carbs again.
45. Smash my Macbook Pro.
46. Switch from my iPhone to an android.
47. Re-download Tinder.
48. Only be able to communicate via email for the rest of my life.
49. Dye my hair like Harley Quinn's for my wedding.
50. Die alone.
51. Walk across hot coals on my hands.
52. Go back to high school.
53. Never eat peanut butter again.
54. Have a slumber party with Jack the Ripper.
55. Split the bill on a date.
56. Go swimming in the Potomac River.
57. Get stuck in a hot air balloon like Moody's mom in Moody's Point.
58. Dunk my head in a toilet.
59. Lick my dad's feet.
60. Discuss my love life with my economics professor.
61. Super glue my fingers together.
62. Walk a mile on a road covered in thumbtacks... barefoot.
63. Only be able to drink Burnett's Vodka and Barefoot Moscato for the rest of my life.
64. Get stuck in DC traffic during rush hour and a snow storm.
65. Kiss a poisonous snake.
66. Let a bird take a dump on my head.
67. Never be able to mourn Harambe again.
68. Get roasted in a group chat.
69. Stub my pinky toe on a coffee table.
70. Trip down a flight of stairs.
71. Post a "like for a TBH" Facebook status.
72. Give up ice cream for the rest of my life.
73. Go gluten free.
74. Start doing Cross Fit.
75. Go to a frat party.
76. Get the bubonic plague.
77. Swallow a newt.
78. Dance naked on the sidewalk.
79. Post my address on Twitter.
80. Take the L and fail the class.
81. Cut holes in all of my clothes.
82. Make Formspring.me a thing again.
83. Only listen to Ariana Grande's music.
84. Put my dog up for adoption.
85. Get paper cuts on my eyelids.
86. Gargle a mixture of rocks, salt and jelly.
87. Use a pogo stick as my only method of transportation.
88. Smack my ankle with a Razor scooter.
89. Go to class in the outfit I wore out to the club the night before.
90. Swim in a pool full of salsa.
91. Work overtime at my job without getting paid for it.
92. Tattoo the word floccinaucinihilipilification on my forehead.
93. Do the chocolate milk gallon challenge.
94. Take back to back to back Soul Cycle classes.
95. Become a vegan.
96. Never watch Harry Potter Weekend on Free Form ever again.
97. Be put on a no fly list.
98. Get banned from Disney World.
99. Remind my professor to collect the homework that was due.
100. Write a paper (maybe).
The minimum wage is not a living wage.
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