A friend is a friend is a friend. Right? Wrong. Friends come and go way quicker than I ever thought possible. From the girls in middle school we secretly loved to hate, to the best friend since preschool that feels less like a friend and more like a routine; we have been gaining and losing friends for our entire lives. What no one tells you is that it gets so much more messy and complicated as you grow up. You’re no longer drifting apart, you’re ripping apart. You’re running from a boy who you thought was your best friend, but got too handsy that night you drank a little too much. You’re running from the girl you swore would be your maid of honor because, turns out, she’s the girl your boyfriend sleeps with when you’re not around. I sound really negative and like I’m convinced everyone is out to hurt me (which I guess is somewhat true), but I, much like you, am also the friend someone is running from.

As we grow up, we are no longer fighting over crayons and lunch spots. The arguments become more personal and a lot shadier. All the trash talk is done behind backs and is usually twisted by the time it gets back to you. I know that it's human nature to gossip, and that it’s natural to let go of something that is hurting us, but have we always been so quick to drop people who hurt us? Or do we become more protective of our hearts the older we get? There is no heartbreak like the one from losing a friend: someone you spent hours telling everything to, who knows all your secrets, and could easily spill them. But there’s something beautiful about the fact that, even though the friendship is over, your girl would never rat you out. Your secrets are hers, mainly because her secrets are yours too.

I was lucky to find my soul mates in the form of high school friends. Most people joke and say they’re leaving everyone behind once they graduate. For me, I would not survive without the people I graduated with. Even though I know they love me, I still doubt their friendship from time to time. They’re away at different schools, making new friends, growing up with new people, and it's hard to believe that they still have room for me. However, every holiday without fail, we are all back in that basement playing stupid games and making the same stupid jokes.

A friend is a friend is a friend. True. Friends will come and go, and you’ll hate some and you’ll wish you had told some that you were sorry. But they were there for a significant part of your life for however long and they will always be part of your story. Some may even reappear in another chapter. Just remember how it feels to lose someone next time you walk away. Remember that it's been done to you, and remember how that feels. We are all to blame for our mistakes in past friendships, and learning from them is how we find the people we will spend the rest of our lives with. Maybe I’m talking more to myself than anyone else, but there’s something to be said for someone who can love fearlessly in friendships. So forgive when necessary and walk away when needed, but always do it with love; even when you can’t feel a thing.