Recently, I met someone who I thought would be my "person." He was kind, funny, smart. He made me feel special, and was all things that I wanted in someone.
Our relationship, if you could call it one, was a whirlwind really. We were at the "talking" stage for two weeks, and then at week three, we were confessing our feelings for each other. We talked about dating, we talked about spending time together, we even discussed meeting the family. There was one problem though: "bad timing.”
"Bad timing" is the one thing that people dismiss as an "okay" excuse. It's the reason why you can't go to a birthday party, the reason why you can't do that one thing that you've been wanting to do; you're too busy, you don't have time right now, you have a lot going on in your life. It's an excuse that I've heard a lot, mostly from guys:
"It's just not a good time right now."
"I need to focus on the stuff that's going on in my life, this is bad timing. I'm sorry, I can't do this."
“I want to continue to talk, but I’d rather wait until school starts, and see where it goes. I just don’t have time right now.”
I get it, partially; everyone has a lot going on in their life, as do I, but here's the thing: It's the one excuse that I don't think I'll ever fully understand.
Frankly, it’s bullsh*t.
There's a saying that goes, "People make time for who they want to make time for. People text and reply to people they want to talk to. Never believe anyone who says they're too busy. If they wanted to be around you, they would."
"Bad timing" is something I'll never understand because at the end of the day, I make time, no matter what's going on in my life, for people that I care about.
After the discussion of time was brought up, and we parted our ways, I made the decision to wait until "the right time” for us to start again. He told me that when school started, we could start back up again, that he’d “have time” for me. So I waited and waited.
I waited for a text, checking in on me. I waited for a sign that he was ready. I put my love life on hold in blind faith that he would pull through, and not be using his “bad timing” as an excuse to leave and never talk to me again. I didn’t log onto any of the dating apps that I had previously downloaded, I didn’t flirt back with the cute barista at the local coffee shop that consistently hit on me. I didn’t allow myself to enjoy being single because I was waiting for the timing to be “right” with us and for him to come back. After all, he convinced me that he was too busy for anything, so I didn’t think that he would be talking to other girls, going on dates with them, and actually dating them.
Eventually, I realized that if he wanted me, he would’ve shown me that he did and his behavior would have been constant, not sketchy or dodgy. He would have given me the attention that I deserved (and still do deserve) instead of playing games— wanting me, and then casting me aside for someone new and exciting, letting me know through social media or ignoring me, that we were done, instead of telling me what was going on.
We like to think that waiting for that person, telling ourselves that, “the right time will come” and letting ourselves use the excuse of bad timing, as a way of convincing ourselves that there will be hope for us, works, but it won’t. Being loyal, in a relationship or in the “talking” stage or out of one, will never keep someone from leaving, from forgetting what you had. It will never keep them from finding another person, from forgetting. Using “bad timing” as an excuse to wait for someone is a waste of our time, and we don’t have time to waste.