I was on a run in my local park today, enjoying the oddly warm weather for December, when I came upon a family all walking together. The mother and father at a brisk pace, enjoying nature and the joy you get from a bit of light exercise. Then, I saw their poor child, gliding behind them on a modified Segway. You know what I am talking about. The Hoverboard. Does it hover? No. Is it a board, like a skateboard or a snowboard? No.

I have nothing personally against "hoverboards" except that I do not understand their use, besides very specific circumstances. For instance, college classes can be very far from each other and locking up a bike and trying to get to class can be a mess, so I understand where MAYBE a hoverboard would come in handy. But my little sister was showing me this ridiculous middle school girl on her Instagram who got not one, but two hoverboards for Christmas. I am sorry, but under what condition will this girl even need one hoverboard? When she goes to school, I highly doubt teachers will let her run people over with this modified Barbie car. Unless her house has an incredibly open floor plan and miles between each room, she won't need it at home.

Now let's talk specifics. You use hover-boards by leaning in the direction you would like to go, like a Segway. The big difference is that you have no pole to steady you, so let's hope you are Gabby Douglas or this thing is going down. In fact, according to the 'Washington Post," not only do they spontaneously catch on fire, but they sent a lot of people to the hospital so far, and it has only been a couple weeks since Christmas!

When I typed hover - board into Amazon.com, the first option I got was one that cost a measly $304.32, but to my utter dismay, it is temporarily out of stock. The description of this machine says it has a "max speed of 9.3mph, 36V/4.4Ah battery range of 10 miles, and can climb hills of 15 degrees! our board is more powerful and safer than our competitors." Not to be the grammar police, but because "our" starts a new sentence, it needs to be capitalized. Plus, 9.3 miles per hour? Biking slowly would be biking 10 miles an hour, in which case you would still be using some energy to pedal the wheels. I'm not super passionate about this, but this instead of walking 12 feet into the next room of your house is human laziness at its core.

So, the bottom line is, the hover-board, or flightless bird of technology, seems to provide us with entertainment, but nothing more, which, I guess in a way, is the American Dream.