We've buried two children, most of our friends know this. For those of you who don't, they weren't sick. They were twins, who died at different times for different reasons. Despite my title, you never really come back from watching your children go six feet under. You can heal, though.
If I didn't know about God, or his plan, or anything he stood for, I wouldn't have made it this far. My son died in 2007, my daughter in 2008, and the day she died I had a very, very sick baby born. I was told she would die over and over again. My family lived this pain for years, until she turned around the age of 5. I felt like she had gone through every diagnosis under the sun, except cancer. Around that age, though, she began to thrive, and really live.
All the time I was asked, how do you survive, how do you get up every day? How do you walk past an empty room with two empty cribs? How do you walk into this hospital room with a tiny, barely alive infant? I finally just answered with a question. Do you believe in God? That would be my automatic response, because if I didn't believe in him, I wouldn't be here. Period.
I didn't walk through hell on Earth because of having two children die tragically, and one who fought daily to be normal, to not be sick, and to not live in a hospital. I didn't leave behind my other two children at home to be taken care of by neighbors and friends because we were hospitalized and dad was working, I left them to grow. No, I didn't walk through hell on Earth, because I had God on my side.
I'm not painting you a pretty picture, there were lots of tears, lots of lost sleep, lots of worries and prayers. Lots of help needed, help appreciated, and mournful calls made. "She needs emergency surgery, please come get my kids so they can spend Christmas with family, please mom." "They don't think she's going to live past tonight, please come get Makenzie and Ashlee."
There was no coming back, because I wasn't gone. I might have felt alone for a while, but I promise you God was always there. When my daughter died God sent people to my door step... and I literally mean door step. They would bring us food, money, baby clothes, flowers, help, etc. People we had never met. We would get mail from strangers, cards, packages, etc. I knew God was sending them to let us know we are not alone.
So, that is why you can't come back from tragedy, because you were never lost as long as God is on your side. I promise.
