I’ve seen one too many articles with titles telling young women what to look for in men, but I’m still wondering why we are telling women to look for something in a man instead of telling her to look for something within herself?

Being raised by a woman who was 100% dependent on a man for everything, I quickly learned that this is not a realistic lifestyle, nor is this a lifestyle I want. Too many women spend their time worrying about how to make sure they’re getting the man of their dreams instead of taking the time to chase their dreams. I’m not talking about the dreams we had as young girls, when you would meet your knight in shining armor and he would come riding in on horseback, or whatever version of that dream you had. I’m talking about the dreams that women in the 1920’s had and couldn’t fulfill. I’m talking about the dreams women generations older than us had and fought for so we could have the luxuries of being able to break glass ceilings and pull ourselves up into a chair at the big table.

Now I completely understand that some women truly do have dreams that involve staying home and taking care of children, and I honestly commend you for that. There’s no way on God’s green Earth I could do it, but those of us who chose that this isn’t the life for us are given dirty looks when we answer no to questions like “do you want kids someday?” We are judged when others learn that we aren’t looking for Mr. Perfect, but instead we’re working on bettering ourselves and building a platform for our future success. I’m not judging any woman’s choices, that would be counterproductive to my whole argument. I’m saying, maybe it’s time we start talking less about how to find a man and try to focus on how to find ourselves.

Personally, I have never been one who liked the idea of having to be sedentary. Sitting still makes me more anxious than anything else I’ve ever encountered, and I know there are women out there who feel the same. They are forward thinkers, they’re the ones who pushed the envelope when they were told “women are meant to be seen not heard,” they’re the ones who handed us the rights we are so quick to take for granted.

Us women were hidden under the thumbs of men for so long, and in some countries, we still are. Our independence didn’t come over night, many women before us had to fight for it. And the way I see it, if you aren’t taking advantage of your freedom, then you’re disrespecting women like Susan B. Anthony, Ida B. Wells, and Alice Paul.

After all is said and done, remember that you do not need a man to help determine your success. You do not need a man to make you whole. You do not need a man to do anything for you. We are built to be resilient, strong, independent beings. Why do you think child birth is only something women can do? Know your worth, work hard, believe in yourself, because at the end of the day, how you feel about you is more important than what anyone else in the world thinks.