I think every college student or girl in her twenties listens to the infamous podcast Call Her Daddy. If you have follow Call Der Daddy then you have heard Alex Cooper talk about her 'Door #3'. But if not, let me run it down for you.
A 'Door #3' is classified as a guy that Alex knows if she dates, it will be a very serious and long term relationship. Keep in mind, this would be a healthy relationship. But, Alex Cooper never makes things that simple. She knows she is still in her twenties and isn't quite ready to settle down yet. She makes sure to keep in enough contact with her Door #3 to where they both don't forget about each other, but not too much where they would get jealous of each other seeing other people. Although it seems complicated, it is actually a lot easier than you would think.
This kind of relationship is what I would describe as a 'right person wrong time' kind of thing. But, with a little twist. It's the person you start seeing then some unexpected events intervene with the relationship so you both mutually agree to see other people or put things simply on pause. In my opinion, I don't think a Door #3 can be someone you have already seriously dated long term. This kind of relationship is someone you meet unexpectedly and completely out of the blue. Someone you have an immediate connection with, but you guys meet a very inconvenient time to start a serious relationship. For example, you both meet before moving away to college or for work, or you're too busy with your career to start a serious relationship. Or even in Alex Cooper's situation, where she knows there's a strong connection there, but she's just not ready to settle down yet.
Trying to force a relationship at the wrong time is the worst thing you can do to yourself. Settling down with a serious partner before your ready can cause huge strains on a relationship that could thrive if it was started a little later in life. Falling in love isn't supposed to be hard or complicated. It also shouldn't be draining or exhausting. I think that's where a Door #3 and a toxic ex can get confused.
Like I said before, I don't think a Door #3 can be someone you dated long term. I see a lot of friends or people online get out of an obviously unhealthy long-term relationship and then say 'it was the wrong timing' or refer to them as their Door #3. But in reality, it was just the wrong person. Here's what I mean by that;
Like I said before, a Door #3 is someone you have a strong connection with, but there is something preventing you guys from dating. If you date someone long term, then break up with them and say it's because 'they're your Door #3', or because 'It was the wrong timing', that's just a relationship not working out, not a Door #3. If your relationship didn't work when you guys had timing on your side, odds are it won't work out later. Don't use the term Door #3 just as an excuse to let a toxic ex back in the picture.
A Door #3 isn't a forced relationship, it just happens. It is an organic chemistry that usually falls into place like a domino effect. But, sometimes not as fast as you would hope.
I am a big believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I am not one to force relationships or things into my life because if they're meant to be in my life, eventually they will.
If you've made it this far, odds are you think you have your own Door #3. Having a Door #3 is such a unique feeling that only people who have their own really understand. It is exciting but so frustrating at the same time. I would explain the feeling as having that best friend that you could easily make the 'let's get married when we're 30 if we don't meet anyone' pact that you see in movies.
A Door #3 should be a happy and fun relationship. They should one of your best friends that maybe every once in a while get's drunk and confesses their feelings for you. But, you both know to just continue to your day to day life because dating right now would just be too complicated.
So here's to your Door #3. Just take a deep breath and let life take the lead.
