As actresses we hear the tales time and time again. Countless stories of women being degraded by male directors, fellow actors, producers etc. But it really is true that you don't fully understand until it happens to you. Even now in 2017, female actresses are still seen as vulnerable and easy to target. There are directors out there who are aware of how badly we want this, and how we will listen to any piece of advice we can take to better ourselves and our chances. These directors know that they can take advantage of us. Recently I was dealing with a director who loved my work, and just from seeing me perform for under an hour he wanted me to be in a project of his. I send him a headshot just to cover the bases, and I was truly taken back with his response. "I have to admit that your headshot was not all that appealing." He started with. What an opening line. What a casanova I am dealing with here. "Doll yourself up a bit. A little make up wouldn't hurt". He went on to tell me how girls used to wear small skirts and heels and essentially said that I shouldn't rely on my talent, and worry more about how I look. Can somebody show me an actor that has ever been told this? I didn't fight back, I didn't cause a fuss. A big part of me couldn't even open my mouth because I was in such shock. This actually exists and happens on a daily basis. The stories that I always brushed aside, assuming that they were outdated, just happened to me! "I hope you think about what I said" he says in a way and voice that made me so uncomfortable I shuddered. I felt so violated. I just had a man tell me that physically I was not good enough. That although I had talent, nobody would want me if I didn't strap on some heels and apply some make up. Only to demand that I remember those words, as though his opinion of me should have any weight on who I am and how I see myself. "Thank you for your input. I will see you tomorrow." I say not so sweetly before hanging up. I strip myself down in front of the medicine cabinet mirror before turning on the shower. My hair is messy, my forehead has a pimple on it, as does my chin. My eyebrows are bushy since I haven't waxed them lately. I get in the shower and wash away the words that he just tried to cut me down with. I wash away the control he just tried to hover over me. I cry. Not because what he said hurt, no. I cry because even now, women have to go out there and prove that sexism still exists. We have to tell the same people who see women as pretty figurines that they are the problem. We have to bite our tongues to build our resume. When instead, we have to find it in us to say "I will build my resume another way."
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I'll admit it, I have a condition called RBF or, if you will, Resting Bitch Face.
Anna Kendrick, poor Kristen Stewart, the Queen of England are all life-long sufferers of RBF. Victoria Beckham even made a career out of it! And though it's usually used to describe women, some men are also afflicted. Kanye West is the best example of this.
But what is RBF? It's the slightly annoyed, slightly bored look some people happen to have on their face whenever it's not in motion. The phenomenon has been taking the internet by storm since the mock-PSA titled Bitchy Resting Face so scientist decided to find out the cause of RBF.
Jason Rogers and Abbe Macbeth are behavioral researchers at Noldus Information Technology. Sounds impressive. They used a machine to examine and catalogue 10,000 images of the human face in hopes to find the cause of RBF. After studying photos of truly expressionless faces, the computer spits out data stating there was 97 percent neutrality and 3 percent emotion. Then, they plugged in faces of celebs infamous for their RBF. The computer analyzed the photos and determined there was only 6 percent of emotion in their resting faces for both males and females. With the software being unable to pick out gender, their conclusion was that the issue with RBF is a distinctly female problem due to social norms.
As a woman, I find this particularly troubling. Why? Because thanks to my RBF, I get asked annoying question day in and day out about my emotional state when, to be quite honest, I'm perfectly fine.
Do you think you have RBF? Below are some signs you just might be one of the afflicted.
1. Strangers have told you "Smile!" on regular occasions
2. The first thing people say to you is "Are you okay?"
3. Dates have texted you asking if they bored you
4. Or, they tell you they don't want to go out again because you didn't seem interested
5. People question your level of comfort in any given situation
6. Friends have said, "When I first met you, I thought you didn't like me." and were totally serious about it
7. Jokes don't land well because people can't tell if you're serious or not
8. You've been told customer service isn't for you because you never smile
9. In fact, in your yearly review, your manager always writes to smile more under "room for improvement"
10. You hate when people have their cameras out taking candids
11. Even when you smile for a photograph it looks like either A) you're trying too hard or B) you're the Mona Lisa
12. Things can even get a little awkward when you smile
13. You regularly are told "I'm never sure how you feel about things"
14. You've scared strangers on the train/bus/sidewalk with your death glares-- even though they're unintentional and you're not really looking at them
15. Christmas and birthdays are hard because you have to figure out how to look like you're pleased with all your gifts even when you are
16. People frequently tell you you're intimidating
17. Friends stop inviting you to things because they think you don't like going
18. Your parents have RBF (it's definitely genetic. Thanks, Mom).
Obviously, it's not ideal to have RBF. But you've only got one face so own that frown. And to all the Emily Gilmores, Rhiannas, Kanyes and more — keep doing your thing.
Everyone loves a snow day! Whether you decide to call out sick from work or your classes get canceled, it is a great way to spend time with family and friends.
1. Build a snowman
People brave enough to face the weather can go outside to build an adorable man made of snow. Relive those childhood glory days, but remember to bundle up!
2. Start a snowball fight
No one can forget the days of throwing snowballs and shade in the school yard. Can we just take a minute to appreciate how epic this scene from "Elf" is? Totally epic.
3. Build a fort
All snowball fights need a good base. Not in the mood for battling to the death in an ultimate snowball fight? Just grab your friends and chill inside your new hangout spot, at least until it melts.
4. Binge-watch Netflix
Some people can't stand the cold and would much rather catch up on their favorite shows. On snow days this is considered perfectly acceptable. On other days? Maybe not so much...but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally do it, anyway.
4. Look out the window
Admire the beauty of mother-nature from safely inside your own home. Hope your windows are insulated!
5. Grab coffee with a friend
Warm yourself up by grabbing a hot cup of joe with a dear friend. Enjoy mindless chatter about winter fashion trends or complain about the homework you've been procrastinating.
6. Complete school or office work
Snow days are the perfect time to compose that essay for school or to do some leisurely shredding at the office. Brent Rambo approves this message.
7. Sleep
This time of year sleep deprivation is common. Do yourself a favor and catch some well-deserved Z's!
8. Read a book
Feel like laying low but don't actually want to sleep? Curl up with a good book for a few hours. If you're lucky, you might even be able to forget that it's snowing outside.
9. Bake cookies
Nothing better than filling your home with the aroma of freshly baked cookies. Try to space out your cookies better than the above image, though...
10. Drink hot cocoa
Grab a packet of Swiss Miss or dare to make it from scratch! Cookies and hot cocoa pair nicely together on colder days when milk seems insufficient.
11. Go ice skating
Or ice falling, for those of us who have balance and coordination issues. Maybe bring a friend along with you and use them to cushion your fall.
12. Take a Walk
Wear winter boots or make sure the sidewalks are salted so you don't end up taking a tumble. Feeling audacious? Bring your own salt!
Anticipating The End Of Your First Semester, As Told By April Ludgate
"I don't want to do things. I want to not do things."
Everyone who is in college right now, or has ever been, knows the struggle of pulling in the strings at the last second. It seems impossible, and you have to do a LOT of things in order to assure your future for the next semester.
April Ludgate, historically, is a very annoyed person, and she doesn't hide it. Of all the times that I binged and re-binged "Parks and Rec," her attitude relates more and more to me.
2. You look at your grades and realize they probably aren't as high as they should be, which is a terrifying realization.
3. When you think to yourself at night, "tomorrow, I will wake up early and go to the library ALL day, and, hell, maybe after I'll go to the gym for a little bit, just to push myself that extra mile."
4. Tomorrow actually comes. The inevitable and overpowering sense of procrastination is too strong to overcome.
5. But you DO end up going to the library. Not all day though, but still, a while. But no, you do not go to the gym. Still, you made an effort, so you decide to treat yo' self.
6. When you realize you need to schedule a meeting with your adviser because you need to sign up for classes next semester. But you also realize that since you waited until the last minute, you're going to get stuck with all of the crappy classes.
7. When you low-key try to slip into conversation with your professors that you need extra credit because you're that desperate.
8. When it's already the third time you've seen your adviser in two days because you have no damn clue what you're doing and need all the help you can get.
9. When you apply for a job associated with your major even though you have no experience, but you just want to dive headfirst into the deep end of adulthood and get it over with.
To The Cheerful Person On Their Rainy Days, You Are Valid
The world is not always sunshine and rainbows, and you do not have to be, either.
Ask friends of mine to name a quality about me, and one a lot them will point out the fact that I am almost always smiling. I like to laugh and smile -- not to quote Buddy the Elf in April, but smiling is my favorite! It is probably my favorite go-to expression. However, what a lot of people do not see is that I have my down days. I have days when smiling and laughing is a real struggle, or when I have so much on my plate that going out of my way to behappy takes more effort than I have stored in me. Be it a symptom of college and growing up or a facet of life, I cannot always be content.
For whatever reason, these down days are not spoken about. One does not casually throw how they cried themselves to sleep during dinner with friends to choruses of "same" and similar examples. For the normally cheerful person, this is even more impossible of a feat, unless they wish to hear the dreaded "But you seem so happy!" when they self-disclose. Not being able to talk about your fears, anxieties, or sadness to those around you for fear you break the illusion of happiness can grow really stifling really fast.
To those cheerful souls stifled by their down days, you are valid.
It is not deceitful to one day be happy and the next day be sad. It is okay to confess you have not been doing well too, even though the conventional way to go about it is to say, "I'm fine" and deal with it later in private. I know I have my times where I, knowing people see me as a relatively happy individual, hide my emotions in an effort to not burden them. I keep it all bottled up and let it fester until it hopefully passes and I can move on. This is not healthy, nor is it realistic, but it is what I have grown accustomed to doing because of my fears.
I imagine my form of bottling things up is not an isolated experience, especially for the typical cheerful person. Everyone has their down moments they feel scared to share. It is cooler not to share, because who wants to hear about someone else's sadness? People just want the good stuff. Life is hard enough without having to hear other people's problems. However, these emotions are normal.
I mean really common.
Even the happiest and most successful person you can think of probably has had them. By asking someone you normally guide for help in getting past a particularly tough day, you are not upsetting them. You are not invalidating the happiness they normally turn to you for. You are not giving up some ruse. You are showing you are human and have real feelings, too. You are showing you have just as much a right to feel your emotions as anyone else. A few more smiles and laughs here and there do not invalidate you. It is just as okay as confiding to someone you know that that previous "I'm fine" you threw their way at dinner actually translates to you are experiencing a rough patch and are finding it hard to find your way back to happiness.
To the cheerful people of the world, feeling sad sometimes is a part of life. Your sad days are just as valid your happy ones, and choosing to express that sadness will not discredit any happiness you may share with the world. Keep spreading your joy when it comes.
Just know that, when the dark clouds do roll in, you are allowed to ask someone for an umbrella.
11 Struggles of Packing for College
It would be so much easier to just pay someone to do it for you
1. Figuring out when to start
Timing is key, you don’t want to start too early or too late.
2. Searching through list after list to get everything you need
Every store has their own list of what you need and you’ve reached a point where you can’t decide which one is right anymore.
3. Shopping for deals
Ads after ads, coupons after coupons, you go shopping all the time and hope you get the best deal.
4. Getting bins to put everything in
Buying bins after bins and hoping you have enough for all the essentials
5. Figuring what you can’t live without
You can’t just take your entire room and place in your dorm. You need to figure out what you need.
You can’t just take your entire room and place in your dorm. You need to figure out what you need.
6. Going through clothes to find what you need
You have too many clothes and you don’t want to forget your favorite pair of sweatpants.
7. Finding out your siblings took something from you
You knew that top was somewhere, turns out it was in your sister’s dresser.
8. Fighting with your parents.
You know what you need and despite what your parents say yes you need that poster.
9. Trying to plan things with your roommate
If they don’t live by you, the discussion of who’s bringing what becomes harder.
10. The fear of forgetting something
While overpacking is a thing you’re scared you’ll forget something. You go over what you packed in your head a hundred times.
11. Move in day
You thought packing made you nervous but here comes move in day, this makes packing look like nothing
