It doesn’t matter how good of a person you are or how hard you work at something – we all have our fair share of bad experiences in life. It’s what makes the good times that much better and what prepares us for tougher times down the road. It’s so important to understand that the hard times we go through usually have nothing to do with our worth. Internalizing the tough parts of life as something wrong with us is so damaging to not only our well-being, but our quality of life.

That’s why the absolute worst thing you can take away from bad experiences is a bitter mindset. The second you take on a bitter mentality you become passive in your life and move forward in the wrong direction. Becoming bitter towards a person or a situation is a negative reaction rather than a positive action. When we react to something we feed it our energy. I’m not saying to let the tough times steamroll over you and not fight for what you believe in – I’m just saying that acting out of spite or seeking revenge is not only a waste of time, it’s generally meaningless.

Seeking revenge on a person is an indirect way to manifest the anger you feel towards this person and magnify their negative energy. Not to mention, I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed someone succeed in achieving the satisfaction we so strongly feel comes with revenge. Rather, we should recognize that this person (or situation) is completely separate from ourselves and our lives even though it feels personal and direct. It honestly never is. If someone intentionally wrongs you, it comes from their inability to control their own troubles so they spill it over onto you. You always have the choice to welcome it or to master indifference and refocus on your own activity towards bettering yourself.

As far as situations go – they are completely out of your control. The only thing that we have power over in our lives is how we respond to what life throws at us. As I said before, we can react negatively, or we can take the difficult as a learning experience and use it to better ourselves for something in the future.

None of this is easy to do. It’s always easier to let the pain shape you into someone critical or judgmental or cynical. What’s easy is almost never worthwhile though and practicing a positive outlook on difficult situations is like working a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it will get until you don’t even realize you’re doing it anymore. Forgiveness is one of the most powerful, yet underrated superpowers we have. Indifference is a much more beautiful way to live than in fear or hatred. Do not tolerate what hurts you, but do not let it make you hurt yourself either.

As far as what is worth fighting for – that should always be supported. Fight from a place of bettering yourself and the world, do not fight from a place of rubbing it in someone’s face or sticking it to the man. I can almost guarantee that who you seek revenge against either does not notice or does not care. We only get one life so it’s better to not waste our time on feeding our own negative energy.

We can achieve what we strongly desire much more effectively with an open mind, tough skin, and a gentle heart.