With college came change. Change in routine, change in surroundings, change in classes and change in friends. As the first days of college passed, I soon realized that change came quickly and I did not know if I prepared well for it. I started to notice ,around the first month of college, that I changed. I changed my beliefs,fashion style and perspective.These slight changes began a movement. Sometimes when I went home for a weekend my mom sensed the “new me” and would point it out in conversation.

I did not know how blatantly I changed nor how I felt about it. To tell you the truth, I did not like it. It made me sad.Perversely, I loved my persona in high school. High marks came my way, curse words never flew out of my mouth, and I was innocent in the ways others were not. I somehow found a balance in myself , I liked and appreciated. Do not get me wrong, I was not entirely happy with my high school experience, but I appreciated what it taught me and who it made me out to be.

Now that I am in college, I see some ways that I changed in which I do not appreciate. To be truthful, I hate how sad or lonely I always feel, the way I bail on plans, and the way I procrastinate my work. In many ways, I think that change presents itself as a good thing. But, I soon saw my personality, likes, dislikes and habits changing and not in a positive way. I partially started pushing people out and that was not right. I soon began doing things just because others did; and I hated it. I noticed my new vices;but I never stopped myself to try to understand why. Unimportant activities began to precedence over my school work and well-being. I cared way too much about what others thought of me and especially the fact that I do not have a boyfriend.Many of my friends are in some kind of relationship; I felt so left out. I lost my love of certain things like fashion, France and reading books. I lost my passion for being outside and just enjoying the view.

I had no idea who I was becoming. The exact person I was becoming was the person I never wanted to be. I never wanted to be the person I started to then become. All of my values, beliefs and interests started to fade; and I lost sight of who I was. I was talking, dressing, and acting different and I barely even noticed myself slipping away. The difference in my words, style, and actions caused me to not even notice myself slipping away. This is the main reason I would tell people that I missed high school. It was not the people or events I missed, it was the person I was and how I acted that I missed. I did not miss the people or events, but rather the person I used to be. I wasn’t was not my best self in high school, but I was almost there. and I loved myself. To be honest, I don’t do not feel that way anymore and I have been struggling with my own self-acceptance.

When I went home for winter break, I soon realized the changes;and I wanted my old self back. I like some of the ways college changed me; and now I am trying to be my best self again. I have been hanging out with the people that bring that out in me like my best friend from home, Abbey my best friend at college, Michella and Jordan, who is the sweetest person I have met. These people all have characteristics in their personalities that I want to add to my life. Now that I realize who I want to be: happy, accepting of myself, smart, witty, caring, and carefree, I can see that I can be truly happy in college.I just need to stick to what I know and the idea of who I really want to be. Losing yourself allows time to find yourself again.