It is Father's Day! Shout out to all you Dads out there who are truly awesome, the best, who make others laugh in any way, and who care so damn much. Previously I wrote an article for Best Moms, and guess what? We are flipping the script. Get ready, because it is time for the Top 10 Worst Fathers of All Time.
To my Dad reading this... you didn't make this list. Great job!
10. Peter Griffin ("Family Guy")
As a dad, Peter isn't the best dad to his children and sometimes not even the best husband. Between his alcoholic behavior, forgetfulness, and his word usage/actions toward his daughter Meg... he's not the best father, but not completely the worst. Plus, who likes Meg anyway?
9. Bryan Mills ("Taken")
Why does your daughter keep getting taken?! You have three movies and in each one someone important to you gets taken... c'mon! At some point, you have to ask yourself, "Maybe it is my fault?" I mean, sure, once is not the best, but to have it happen again? Lock it up Bryan, lock it up.
8. Han Solo ("The Force Awakens")
I am a big Han Solo fan, but somewhere between "Return of the Jedi" and "The Force Awakens," things got a little sour between his son, Ben, and him. Han left his wife Leia, and if you haven't seen the movie (if you haven't seen "Star Wars" then I can't trust you), well, sh*t has hit the fan. Ben got a little pissed and turned to the dark side. Not the best fathering technique to chose, Han.
7. Dr. Evil ("Austin Powers" trilogy)
His negotiation tactics are not the best, but his fathering skills aren't either. The first time he meets his son, Scott, all he says is "Hello Scott, I'm your father, Dr. Evil." Along with that, trying to kill people in front of Scott with sharks who have "fricken laser beams attached to their fricken heads" isn't the best thing a father could do.
6. Royal Tenenbaum ("The Royal Tenenbaums")
You quickly learn that Royal Tenenbaum is not liked by his children. After telling them he is divorcing their mom, straight up telling Margot her play as a child wasn't the best, oh, and not to mention that he fakes stomach cancer to try and get his ex-wife and kids back, you're not surprised they don't like him. Although you have to hand it to him, it was a valiant effort on his part, well thought-out. But a good father? Not really.
5. Walter White ("Breaking Bad")
"Hey, what does your Dad do?"
"Oh, he sells meth and sometimes kills people."
Yeah, that doesn't have the best ring to it.
4. Denethor II ("Lord of the Rings")
Well, let us see... he has two boys and only likes one of them, he told his own son to go die and die in a way that would make him proud. I get that you are going to war, but what defines dying in a proud way? Are we talking getting trampled, ax to the head, sword to the legs, being lit on fire? Plus, with a hairstyle like that, you can't be a good dad.
3. Tywin Lannister ("Game of Thrones")
Long story short, Tywin tries to get his son killed for a whole big backstory that I am not going to go through. But poetic justice has it that his son kills his father with a crossbow to the chest. The only time my Dad tried to "kill me" was when I almost sank the Jet Ski because I forgot to put the plug in it.
2. Jack Torrance ("The Shining")
Attempting to kill both his wife, Wendy, and his son, Danny with an ax, you can guess why Jack is ranked at number two on this list. A little psychotic? Yes. Epic entrance busting a door with an ax while saying "Here's Johnny!" Yes again. These are all signs of not being a good father... good thing he froze to death in that maze.
1. Darth Vader ("Star Wars")
Here he is: the worst father of all time! He's guilty of capturing his daughter and having her tortured, destroying her "home planet" of Alderaan, torturing and freezing his daughter's "boyfriend" in carbonite, attempting to seduce his son to the dark side while cutting off his hand and revealing to Luke that he is indeed his father. Yeah... Vader ranks number one on the list. If your father has done any of these acts, boy, I do not envy your two's relationship.
There you have it... that is your Top 10 Worst Fathers of All Time.
You're still here? Well, I lied... my dad did make this list, for the best father.
Here is a special Father's Day post to my Dad. With countless laughs, old and new stories, throwing curve balls at me in the batting cages, asking if I wanted to play "catch" or "drop" because I could barely catch a football in the sixth grade, going golfing together, sitting in the hot tub with me freshmen year to lose weight for wrestling, and let's not forget driving hours on hours to watch me run for a couple seconds for track season. You are the best father a son could ask for, and I strive to be the man that you are when I become a father of my own. Love you and have an amazing Father's Day!