There have been multiple times in my life where I have been frustrated with God and my prayers look more like a temper tantrum. It's when I have been asking for the same things for so long it seems like I have been talking to a brick wall.
Sometimes when we pray for things continually and continue to not receive them, it's more than easy to get frustrated. That is so ingrained in our human nature.
And waiting is hard.
I’m not going to pretend that this isn’t something I continue to struggle with. I am not coming at this article as a light at the end of the tunnel or an experienced person who will tell you how to overcome the frustration.
Actually, I’m kind of doing the exact opposite.
You always hear you should trust God with your circumstances but that is so much easier said than done. If you’re like me, there’s a certain comfort level that comes with worrying.
It’s like a weird superstition, where if I absolutely agonize over something, expecting the worst possible outcome, then what I am scared of or worried about will not happen. In other words, if I worry enough about it, it’ll be okay.
To all the type B people in the world, I'm sure that sounds insane, but I don't think I’m the only person that does that.
So when God is not giving me the immediate result I want, I start worrying. I start worrying that I’ll never get what I prayed for. Then I feel bad about worrying because obviously, worrying isn’t a good thing and I need to trust in the Lord’s plan.
And then I worry some more.
I go through this little tornado of worrying while trying to talk myself into trusting God.
All in all, I don’t know how to fix that besides praying to have more faith. But I think I’ve discovered something even in the midst of my worry-tornado. When I continue to ask and continue not to receive, it's an opportunity to trust God with those feelings of frustration and worry.
I will still continue to pray for my desires, and pray for faith to overcome my worry, but in those moments when all I can see is the waiting and I start to become discouraged, I am trying to get in the practice of trusting God with those feelings, instead of trying to make myself snap out of my worry-tornado.
God created humans with a broad spectrum of emotion for a reason. Emotions weren't created to be stuffed into a box labeled 'happy' and the rest thrown away. Jesus Himself was a pretty emotional guy. He knows what it is to be lonely, to feel betrayed, to be tired, to be overwhelmed, and to wait.
When the worry in the waiting becomes too much, I want my reaction to be to express how I’m feeling to Him, to accept the emotions I have, and to thank Him for the plans He is working out for my good.
I think a lot of times Christians can feel guilty if they are not happy all the time, if they don’t have an abundance of patience, or if they have an overwhelming sense of worry that just won’t go away. Instead of fighting those feelings, I say stare them in the face and know God hears and sees that internal struggle. You can trust God with negative emotions. He doesn't only respond to people when they have their act together and are sporting a good attitude. You can trust God even when you’re not happy with the way things are going, when you’re not getting the answers that you want, and when all you can see are the negative parts of life.
He is bigger than my temper tantrums, and I will trust in that.
