Growing up, I always felt really isolated from a lot of my peers and had a hard time connecting with kids my age. Even though I went to an elementary school that mostly consisted of students of color, I was definitely the token “weird” kid. I was quiet, didn’t really talk to a lot of the people in my school, and had some eclectic interests.

While most of the kids in my class were talking about the newest "Call of Duty" title or discussing last night’s football game, I was in the corner drawing by myself or reading a comic book. I had very few friends until middle school. I felt like the environment I was in wasn’t conducive for me to be able to express myself openly and honestly. And don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my younger years and I loved the elementary school that I went to as a child. I just was an all-around strange kid, so I felt there wasn’t necessarily any space for me to live an abnormal existence.

Even though being one of the weird kids brought me a lot of unhappiness and solitude, it was great for my artistic expression. I spent so much time alone watching anime, listening to music, and writing, that I have a strong passion for the arts as an adult. Pursuing music and writing professionally are some of my goals, and I think if I spent time on activities that I didn’t actually enjoy doing, I wouldn’t have an interest in either of these. In my younger years, I viewed being different as a curse, like there was something wrong with me that needed to be cured. My parents gave me the opportunity to express myself in whatever way I felt most comfortable, but I felt like the world was sending me a different message.

I can’t remember a time in my life where I was able to confidently say that I felt like my entire identity was accepted and authenticated by the people around me, but I also don’t think that it matters. I am definitely more comfortable with myself currently and I’m able to display whatever odd quirks or strange interests openly without the fear of judgment. As an adult, having different interests is actually seen as a good thing and “fitting in” doesn’t seem to be a concept that is valued.

I was only able to honestly and openly live an authentic existence when I stopped worrying about the opinions of other people.

It was already difficult to feel accepted being black in a mostly white space, but being the “type” of person that I am made it even more of a challenge. Once I stopped trying to mold myself into someone that I wasn’t, I began to change for the better. I was happier, more open with myself and others, and had a healthier mindset than when I was closed off. And this is a rather recent adjustment; in a way, college gave me the opportunity to express myself more truthfully and honestly.

Though being different was extremely isolating, I would never want to change who I am. I have learned to love myself in my own skin and I fully embrace my weirdness. I am able to connect with others who shared similar experiences growing up. There is no reason to change yourself to fit the standards of the people around you.

You'll never be truly happy if you don't allow yourself to live your truth.