Two weeks ago, I heard the song “The Night Before (Life Goes On)” by Carrie Underwood while I was in my car, and I burst into tears. The funny part is I wasn’t crying about a guy (I will get to see my boyfriend more than enough this summer), I was crying because of my senior friends that will be leaving me. Some of my friends will be going back to their home towns and some of them will be flying across the world to Australia. I have known all year that my senior friends and teammates leaving would be hard, but this week it really hit me. It isn’t that I won’t be okay without the seniors, and they will have fun when they leave and do great things, it is the not knowing what will be and the anticipation of leaving the people you love. I realized it isn’t just the night before that you’re affected by goodbyes, it might be a week and it might be a month. Goodbyes are hard, but what might be harder is making the time last before saying goodbye.
This week I have witnessed my friends change a little bit. I have noticed a look in all of us, even when we are having fun because we know it is ending soon. I have noticed some of my more outgoing friends distance themselves from the group and witnessed friends who typically have no emotions break down in tears. Saying goodbye does weird things to people because even though you know it will be OK, it hurts. It is scary to say goodbye to people you love and not know what is going to happen next. As I watch my friends pack up their houses and prepare for their next step, I have mixed emotions and that might be what makes it so hard. I try to be excited for them because they are moving on, but although I know I should feel one way, I feel the complete opposite. I am saying goodbye to my friends and their families, not knowing when I might be seeing them again. They have been my family for the past two years and saying goodbye to that isn’t easy.
It is hard to let go of a life you have come so accustomed to, to let go of the older girls that took me under their wings and made me feel safe in a place I wasn't used to. The ones you go to when there is a problem, the ones that feed you and give you advice. It is hard to let go of the safe feeling they provide you. But what is harder than that is not thinking about it every second of every day before that. This whole week I tried to study, only to end up thinking about when I had to say goodbye. I would go over to my friend’s house and try to take in every second with them. I would try to have fun and enjoy their company, but in the back of my mind I would be thinking about goodbye. I know they were thinking about it too, because they looked at me in ways I hadn't seen them look at me before. They would give me random hugs for no reason, and we all overused, "I love you". I know we are scared and anxious about the next step. I am scared because the girls that I have looked up to and that have made Edinboro home for me are leaving. They are scared because they are leaving the place they called home for the last four years, and everyone in it, to go out into the real world and explore. We are scared for the next step, but we all know we have to move on because all great things must come to an end.
The last night with the seniors was one I will never forget. We went to Compadres one last time for Cinco de Mayo and got McDonald’s too! We sat in McDonald's doing ridiculous things like talking in a made up language to see how many people would look at us, and ask if the 10 piece nugget was cheaper than the four piece chicken nugget. We drove around our town one last time listening to “Anthem” By Good Charlotte and “Keep Holding On” by Avril Lavigne. Eventually we all broke down into tears. We tried to keep it together, to not think about leaving when we only had one more night until goodbye, but we ended up sobbing. We sat in the living room with each other and realized this was it. Everyone was exhausted and wanted to sleep, but no one was ready to leave. I wouldn’t change a thing about my last night with my friends, or the last week for that matter. We had so much fun in our last week together, and these are the times I will remember for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow, six of my best friends graduate college. They will no longer be down the road to comfort me when I am in need or listen to me complain, but they will be only a phone call away whenever I need anything. This period of our life has come to a close and although it is sad, life will go on. I wouldn’t change anything about my last two years with them. I thank them for all the memories that I will tell my children about someday. I thank them for the inspiration they have given me and I wish them luck as they head out on new and exciting adventures. I thank them and their families for welcoming me into their family. I only hope I can be half as good of a role model to the freshmen as they were to me. Today I said goodbye to a group of girls I love with all my heart, but I know we will see each other again the first chance we get. We will see each other again soon because “It’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later”.
