One of my passions in life is folk-style wrestling. I love watching it, I love learning about it, and I love doing it. At 20-years-old, I've spent a good chunk of my life dedicated to what most likely is the greatest love of my life. In my experience, I have managed wrestling for eight years -- two in middle school, four in high school and two in college. I coached for two summers, and I actually did folk-style wrestling for five years -- one in middle school and four in high school. While wrestling, I qualified three times for regionals, missing one year because of injuries, and was ranked in the top five nationally in my junior and senior year for females in my weight classes. The only parts of wrestling I haven't experienced, ye,t are refereeing and being a wrestling parent -- just ask my mother, she'll tell you just with one look.
I've had a lot of good things come out of going through this horrifically beautiful sport, even if they didn't seem so positive when they were happening. It's taught me so much about not only how to be a strong female in this world, but how to be a a good person.
I think the thing I've learned most through my experience is how people can change. Being a female wrestler isn't easy. When my dad started assistant coaching at my middle school, I stayed to watch practice after school and have him drive me home once he was finished. As I watched them practice, I began seeing the comraderie, and the power of the moves, and decided I wanted to try out for the team.
When I told my parents that I wanted to wrestle, I got a flat out no. My mother was afraid of me getting hurt like my dad did when he wrestled in high school and college. My father didn't like the idea of his little girl wrestling with these boys, not to mention the fact that he didn't know what would happen to our relationship when the new aspect of coach and wrestler was introduced. They were also both weary of how I'd handle the pressures of being a female on an all male team. I kept begging and begging, finally making a deal with them: I would manage for one year, and then, if I still wanted to wrestle, I would be allowed to try out for the team. That was completely fine by me.
One year later, and still I had the burning desire to be on the mat even more than before. I knew the guys, I knew some of the moves, I was just missing mat time. I still remember that first day of practice, standing in order of weight, getting my practice partner, feeling the mat underneath me. This was where I belonged.
There was a lot more than just the fact that I could get hurt physically on the line though. Being a female in a male dominated world comes with many advantages and disadvantages. In my experience, my parents and coach helped keep most of the negativity about what I did to a minimum, but I still got the gist of what some people thought. I thought maybe it was just me because I'd never heard these things about the other female wrestlers. But they didn't stay as long as I did as a competitor in the sport.
Being the only female wrestler on a team and in most competitive events, you gain a backbone and confidence all at the same time. You're in the best shape of your life with intense workouts four to six days a week, for two hours, you're eating only healthy things, and you have a good outlet for all the drama and anger that comes with middle school and high school. You've got a team behind you, whether it's your team or another, or even just parents and coaches. You're out there every day improving, learning and making yourself better, and honestly that's the best part of it. The sport makes you the best person you can be.
For females who don't have a female program around them, it's hard sometimes to make a name and keep going. I've had referees let boys choke me to the point of me turning blue because they don't agree with females wrestling. I have video evidence of refs calling pins when my back is off the mat and my shoulders never touched it. I've had coaches and parents pull their kids off the roster just so they didn't have to wrestle me. I've been punched, bitten, scratched, felt up, humiliated, harassed, called awful names like whore, slut, wrong for society and that's not including the things that my parents and coaches didn't tell me that happened when I was wrestling. I've been broken down, thrown slammed and had my face literally smeared into the mat. But that's the best part of it. Wrestling taught me that I have a reason to have pride; I've had much worse than someone spreading a false rumor. Wrestling has always taught me that only I truly know exactly what I'm doing and why I'm doing it.
The thing with wrestling is its not just you growing and learning by yourself. It's not just you, or your teammates or you're parents that are watching you grow. I had countless refs and/or coaches who helped me through my career. They taught my mother how to give me skin checks so I wouldn't have to wait for the guys to be done. They helped me with my anxiety before matches by talking with me and reassuring me that I could do it. They made my matches fair and gave me a cheeky hard time when I deserved it. They knew everything with me had to be done by the books so no one would question if my wins were fair. I had teams that would help me improve my moves, and give me tips about not only my competitors on other teams, but even sometimes my opponents that were on their own team.
When my parents had to split time between my sister and my matches, she was competing on the middle school level when I was in high school, I had my wrestling family to cheer me on. I specifically remember a match that my parents weren't there because it was my sister's first match of the season. We were at a tri-match (a match where three schools were competing) and the home team was a big supporter of my wrestling.
The mom that weighed me in that night and I talked at every event we saw each other. Her husband had taped my injuries countless times to prevent me from injuring myself even more. The coach had been one of my major supporters through out my wrestling career and always made sure to tell me how proud of me he was. The other school we were against was one I'd never wrestled before. The first match of my night was against the latter school. I pinned my kid in the first period. The cheering when I pinned him was unimaginable. When they raised my hand, the cheers rang out again. When I walked over to the opposing teams coach to shake his hand, a tradition of respect, there were even more cheers. It was like winning at home. Up to that point, I'd never heard the cheers my mother had tried to tell me about, but hearing it that night reassured me that I truly had a wrestling family.
Many people put negative connotations on wrestling, in general, but it honestly does way more good than harm for both men and women. You can physically see the confidence they gain in their posture and the way they handle themselves. Without it, I would not be able to hold my own in leadership positions, or in my daily life. It helped me cope with a lot of things life has thrown at me and I know I would be a more aggressive person physically with out it.
More females should join male dominated wrestling programs. It will prepare you for going into the male dominated fields and help you learn that there are other ways to cope with the rumors that will more than likely spread about you when you get to the leadership positions. It teaches you character, sportsmanship, and it give you an eye into how men think and their way of working with things.
Without wrestling, I don't know where I'd be. Sure, I'm injured like my dad, not as bad though, just like my mother was worried about, but she also sees what it did for my mental health and she is grateful for it. My father realized just how strong I could be. I gained a family that is bigger than any I've ever known because only someone whose wrestled before will ever know exactly the struggles you as a wrestler will go through. While not all minds were changed by sharing in my experience, the most important one that was changed was my own. And that's truly the most anyone could get out of anything they do. That's what wrestling did for me.
