We are all our worst critics. We see things in ourselves that no one else would ever notice in a million years. Lately, I've realized how easy it is for girls to talk about their flaws. Discussing the things we don't like about our bodies and others', has become almost like a sport. We analyze someone's latest Instagram when we're bored with our friends'. Saying things like, "Wow, she posted yet another selfie, she's obsessed with herself." Or, "She doesn't look like that in real life, she edits her pictures sooo much." We're all guilty of doing this, so don't pretend like you've never said these things either. But it got me thinking, if I say these things about others… then what gets said about me?
It's become the norm for women to not like their bodies. We have a multi-billion dollar beauty industry that counts on these insecurities. Imagine if we all liked the way we looked. Close your eyes and pretend that there was not one single thing you'd like to change about yourself. The whole industry would cease to exist. We wouldn't need to buy dozens of products to make ourselves feel prettier, look thinner, seem more put-together. Of course, this magical world where we love ourselves completely is imaginary. It's highly unlikely that women will ever fully appreciate the way they look. But there has got to be something we can do, even on a small-scale level, to encourage women to own their bodies, right? Right.
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It all comes back to breaking that social norm that says women can't be happy with the way they look. For some reason whenever we get a compliment we tend to downplay it. We say things like "oh thanks, but really? Are you sure my hair doesn't look bad?" We are socially conditioned to turn down praise. God forbid someone were to just say "thank you" and move on. We worry too much about coming off conceited, so we act like the compliments we receive aren't genuine. And even if they are, we offer up some of our flaws to prove we don't think too highly of ourselves. But for what? What is the point of all of this? When we tear other people down as an attempt to make ourselves feel more secure, we are hurting everyone. If someone feels beautiful one day and decides to post a picture of themselves, than guess who is allowed to judge them? Certainly not you, and certainly not me.
Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. And when I say "everyone," I mean everyone. Some of the prettiest women I know feel insecure and pick apart their body. Meanwhile, I couldn't find a single flaw in them if I tried. Again, we are all our worst critics. To affect change we need to realize that there is not one single body type that everyone across the board is meant to fall under. We aren't going to all look the same. And why would we ever want to? That would be an awfully boring world to live in. We need to focus on building each other up instead of criticizing each other's flaws. Take the energy spent on analyzing someone's Instagram filter, and use it to promote self-love. Because at the end of the day, the only body you get is the one you have now. You might as well learn to appreciate it and all that it can do.
Now, I'm sure you're thinking that this all sounds very naive. It's hard to change our habits and the way we look at ourselves and others. And in a way you're right; insecurities don't magically disappear. But what we can do is actively choose to focus on the things we do love about ourselves. We should feel able to say that we like the way we look without worrying about coming off self-absorbed.
As women, it's necessary for us to recognize that beauty isn't everything. While being called beautiful is flattering, I would much rather be known for being kind, or smart, or funny, or creative, or unique, or caring, or any other adjective that can be used to describe my character. At the end of the day, beauty is all very superficial. The way I look is not who I am. When someone sees my face or my body, they only see the outer most layer of myself. They see what I choose to display, but they don't get a sense of my likes, my dislikes, my passions, or what makes me tick. Looks are just one component that make up who we are. I am so much more than my body, and so are you.
