Ah, Valentine’s Day -- the frilliest of the less-hyped post-Christmas holidays. It could be said that people either love or hate it. Or love to hate it. Or seem to only love it if they have someone to give them flowers and candy. Or someone to share flowers and candy with.
In years that follow that magical time when everyone has to give everyone else a Valentine, Valentine's Day can be…contentious for some people. So much so that some people celebrate “Anti-Valentine's Day,” or the more fun and more friend-oriented Galentine's Day. According to every major sitcom, there seem to be two camps on Valentine's Day; two equally unattractive tropes if you will. There have even been movies made about it. On one side there’s the lonely, bitter, terminally single woman who hates Valentine's Day and everything it stands for, until of course, just in the knick of time, she finds Mr. Right to spend the holiday with. Or the “happy,” together people; the people with dates, the people with valentines, the people who get engagement rings put into a dessert (can you say "choking hazard?"), the people who are to be envied by all.
So the question is: which is right? Is Valentine’s Day a suckish holiday, invented by greeting card companies, designed to make people who aren’t in love feel bad? Or is it true that this day is only for lovers? Is Feb. 14 the day when everyone whose box is checked single should grab a pint of Sam Adams, blast "All By Myself," and lock themselves away? My take: No. It’s not wrong to be happily coupled, and contrary to what the movies say it’s not a big deal to not have found the love of your life before the age of 25.
When I was growing up on Valentine’s Day, my mom would take us out for dinner and give us valentines. Whether or not she was single, Valentine’s Day was about love. Contrary to what Hollywood has been saying for the past few decades, romantic love is not the only meaningful love. It's this line of thinking that has given a lot of people a Valentine's Day complex. The concept that Valentine's Day is only a holiday that can be enjoyed if you’re in a relationship is not only false, but sexist and heteronormative.
The Valentine's Day hater trope is almost always occupied by lonely and desperate women, who are alone and desperate because they’ve mistakenly chosen their careers over love. It doesn’t take into account that some people aren’t looking for Mr. Right but Ms. Right. More than that, it doesn’t acknowledge that a diamond ring and a white picket fence is not everyone’s definition of happily ever after.
There are so many different kinds of love -- the love you feel for your friends, the love you feel for your parents, for your siblings, and sometimes significant others; and, not to sound like an after school special, but the love you should feel for yourself. One kind is not more profound than the others. So instead of bashing Valentine's Day or mocking people who are single on Valentine's Day, learn from my mom and women like her and just see it as a day to celebrate love. Go to "The Vagina Monologues." Hang out with friends. Treat yourself to a day of self-care. And, in a week, enjoy the discounted candy.
