I’d consider myself to be an organized person. I turn papers in on time and show up 20 minutes early to meetings. I never let my laundry pile become unbearable. I periodically clean my makeup brushes to avoid spreading hypothetical skin infections. I make to-do lists and feel an unnecessary sense of pride when I finish my homework early enough to get a full 8 hours of rest. As I sit at Cascades Park, an iced latte to my left and two little joyous towheaded boys wrestling to my right, and their trusty dog wagging it’s tail, wanting to join in on the ruckus, I’m reminded of the wonders life can bring when I take a second and just observe. I’m trying to do my homework and should have started it hours ago, but I went to lunch with friends instead. That’s my first grievance: because while lunch was fun and I love spending time with my friends, I seem to have misjudged the amount of work due tomorrow. I can feel the stress settling in already. "School comes first" is a mantra I stick by… but the easy nature of laughing with friends, snuggling up under blankets and discussing antics of the night before, sometimes holds too much allure that even I make the wrong decision from time to time.
The laughter surrounding those kids has now turned to shrieks of pain from the younger one over some egregious wrong his brother has apparently committed. That’s how I’m feeling about the week ahead, really. A bit unprepared but wholly committed to justifying my emotional reactions. While they’re already running off, chasing a soccer ball, moving past the mishap: my upcoming week doesn’t seem so easily navigated. I need to remind myself of this: it’s okay to make mistakes or choose the wrong course of action as long as I navigate myself back to the right place.
They’re fine now, the small rift in their brotherhood subsequently patched within minutes. The tears have stopped and they’re biking off down the path, back to enjoying the fading afternoon. I wish I could continue on with the same sense of unbridled ease, so I could avoid the stress that comes along with wanting to do your best but knowing it’s impossible to give all that you are over to one assignment or test (or really everything that comes with making daily decisions and navigating life stuff). While it can seem, at times, like the world is turning on without you, and that your peers are successfully navigating the stresses and letdowns of figuring out quasi-adulthood: keep in mind it isn’t always the Instagram filtered perfection we tend to see. Their day to day reality could really be badly cropped and overly saturated or too sharply edited to look perfect but turns out grainy. We’re all trying to figure out what comes next. Knowing it’s okay to not always get it right is what makes it worth the work. At least that’s what I’ve heard.
