Let me open this up by saying that I am not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse that I have been exposed to the idea that mental health is a crucial element of one’s well being. Having been born and raised in the Middle East meant that any attitudes and behaviors that are attributed to mental health in the West were considered normal, or rather means of expressing one’s complexity. Yet ever since moving to the US, I have been able to pinpoint the reasons of why I couldn’t be a functional and content human being, but it somehow still remains rather hard to acquire the means of coping of those discoveries. Quite honestly, I still hear myself wishing that I hadn’t known about the fucked up parts of my head, for that I’m constantly in search of coping mechanisms that seem to easily slip out of my finger tips. My therapist believes that the biggest contributor to my life challenges is ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder). While acceptance of this arduous reality was a long and hard road, I would still linger back to blaming my existence for the difficulties I encounter in life.
Prior to the exposure to mental health, I wasn’t even aware of what ADHD is. However, I’ve concluded some summaries of how it has actually been shaping my life. Here’s a list of some of the effects that have been consistent in my life as a result of being an individual living with ADHD.
1) Reading is Painful:
The diagnosis did indeed explain my frustration with reading since I was a kid. Believe it or not, I’ve only read TWO books in my entire life that were not school related. In regard to school related reading, I’ve always had difficulty with concentrating. I’ve always felt like I have some untapped capacities that I couldn’t access in order to absorb the information that my class peers seemed to easily access.
2) I Don’t Have Hobbies:
Well, duh! As my attention is scattered all over the place, I don’t seem to ever stick with one thing, E.V.E.R. I hate being asked what my hobbies are because they’re numerous, or nonexistent at all. ‘I don’t do shit’, seemed like an appropriate answer sometimes. I just can’t seem to be able to focus down on one thing at a time and I get frustrated easily and it’s all stupid, I’m never content about final results, I know I could do better, and I quit things easily.
3) I Can’t Recall Memories:
It never hit me until I met with a psychiatrist for the first time that I couldn’t remember shit passed sophomore year of high school. I hated when people could name their teachers and classmates from middle school and those from even elementary school. Yet, here I am, unable to remember what classes I took senior year of high school. This is the extent of which I have zero concentration given to what was going on around me. I mean the fact that I lived in the middle of a war zone and had my entire future on the edge of a cliff obviously contributed to that reality, but no one has ever told me professionally how those fit in the equation.
4) Names Are Freaking Hard:
I am terrible with names, I’ve got to admit. I have been practicing repeating people’s names multiple times in my head when they’re first introduced to me in order to not embarrass myself later on. Add to that the fact that I wasn’t really familiar with English names, hard times obviously!
5) Making Decisions Is Impossible; And So Is Organization:
I am one hell of an indecisive person. Watch me spend over 15 minutes at the cereal aisle trying to pick one kind and then ending up buying three different kinds to later realize that I wanted none of them but a different one. Planning out things generally is not my forte. I’m extremely unorganized. I’ve got reminders scattered everywhere, over thirty thousand unread emails, about fifty if not more unopened mails that are probably from my clinic begging me to pay the bills that have accumulated over the months, and my room is always a nasty mess. Hummm! There’s one more thing…. Ah! Taxes; I could never get how people manage to do that on time one year after another.
7) “Driven by a Motor”:
I’m extremely impulsive when it comes to things popping out of the blue; that’s one of the outcomes of hating to plan things out ahead of time. I never say ‘no’ for an answer. My therapist attributes that to my extreme extrovertedness as well. I know so many people and I’m an open book and constantly on the move which is quite draining to be honest and I never find the time to ‘chill’ because I don’t know how to do that.
8) What are Relationships?:
That one is a misfortune. ADHD people are known to be terrible in relationships. Believe it or not, I haven’t dated anyone for longer than 3 months, which made me believe for the longest time that it was ‘me’ that didn’t know how to be in a relationship. Yet, it was my abundance of problems that have caused me to be unstable that made relationships fall in flames. In regard to family ties, I thought I was a terrible person for not being in touch with my family for long periods of time, but in reality I was too damn distracted all the time. Friends, ask them about who’s the ‘drama queen’ in the group and they will definitely tell you it’s me.
9) Jobs? Say That One More Time:
This one is funny actually! So, young adults don’t necessarily have to work back where I come from (Palestine). As long as you’re capable of being at school and your family is relatively well off, you don’t necessarily have to worry about making the extra bucks. It’s rather negatively looked at sometimes. Studying abroad has obviously required me to work to make some money, yet I was never able to tell why I have gotten fired from two jobs in a year and a half. I just had too much going on at the time is what I thought. But duh, It was ADHD again!
In reality the list keeps going on and on. I’ve left out the things that I don’t really wish to open up about online that have been results of ADHD. I also have not yet been stabilized on medication for the poor quality of the mental health profession in Minnesota; therefore, I still struggle with those life misfortunes that are caused by my ADHD condition. Medication has been scientifically proven to assist fixing some of the symptoms, but as my psychiatrist has pointed out: I have to work things out around it . Needless to say, if you think you do have life challenges that you really aren’t able of conquering due to some unknown reasons, consider giving a shrink a visit. That’s precisely what psychology and psychiatry are for, and it’s all about taking the initial first step.
