In a day and age when social media largely affects our well-being, it's not hard to see how Instagram pictures and Twitter bios of die-hard, school-spirited students negatively impact the less-enthusiastic. Senior year of high school is a frenzy of "OMG CONGRATULATIONS!" and "You're gonna absolutely love it!!". Freshman year of college is a rampage of "Absolutely love my new home" and my personal favorite, "Couldn't be happier!"

But what if I don't absolutely love it? What if I could be happier?

If you google "unhappiness and college freshman", you don't get articles with statistics on depression or how to manage anxiety. Instead, you get article after article of "10 Happiest Colleges In the U.S." or "Happiest Colleges in The States". To our society, it's not a matter of how to address the unhappiness. It has become a matter of where we can supposedly find thousands of other students who are way more content with their decisions. Great.

A lot of students from my school choose to attend Penn State given its close proximity to home. What a great example: Happy Valley, where all students study and play and never feel anything but happy to attend an institution like PSU. I wonder if all my friends there are always happy? For someone who knew I did not want such a large school, it's so frustrating that I find myself wishing I had liked it. Out of my momentary (and fixable) unhappiness, I've been telling myself that I am to blame for not liking large lectures and giant campuses. But that's just the type of student I am! When did I start to accept blame for needing a certain learning environment?

I'm not unhappy with my college decision--just searching for a little more. I do really like my school, and I have met incredible friends. Frankly, I never could have imagined I'd be so involved so quickly. I just know I need something to shake up my life like I always knew I wanted. I want adventure. I don't want a traditional college experience. Choosing the school eight hours away definitely provided change, but it just made me miss the mountains in my horizon and my mom a little more. I knew that in my college experience, I wanted the financial ability to create experiences. I sacrificed a lot for this, but I know all will be right in the end.

When I came home from my first semester of college, I relished in the three weeks I had to do nothing but read, catch up on my Netflix shows, and sleep. Only two and a half days in, I am already focusing back on my education and where I see it going next. I had felt unhappy at times throughout the semester. I had also felt happier than ever during the semester. Sure, my dining options aren't always ideal. My major isn't what I'd prefer to study, but it'll get me to where I need to be (besides, Masters is the new undergrad, right?). Over the high-strung emotions of transitioning to college, I now feel like I'm ready to take control of my education and talk about doing the things I planned on when I was applying.

So, I went through the possibilities.

1. Transfer

2. Take a gap year

3. Study abroad sooner than planned

If I transferred, I'd be giving up the friends I'd found. I'd be relinquishing an incredible scholarship. I'd be taking all the gear I bought with my school's name and throwing that money down the drain. It would take time and more money to apply to other schools, let alone the resources I would need to research the best schools (all over again, might I add). I really felt like I wanted to transfer.

Then I discovered why.

I kept seeing Snapchat story and Instagram picture of snowy, brick buildings. I longed for those romantic mornings, bundled in coats, walking to historic academic buildings. I was comparing my experiences at my school to what I thought I should be doing and having. Remembering why I felt my school was the best for me, I realized that I had lost touch of the ambitious and creative senior I was. Senior-me knew I could make a program work to match what I wanted to study, and senior-me knew that the architecture of buildings doesn't shape my happiness. In the end, I realized I wanted to transfer for the wrong reasons (and it's too much work).

If I took a gap year, I'm pretty sure I would also be sacrificing a great scholarship. To keep it, I have to maintain full enrollment at all times. Lesson there: know the conditions of your scholarship or aid, and always talk to your Financial Aid office. I'd be behind a year on getting close with friends. Yeah, FOMO is real, but if I'm unhappy with your college anyways, why would I have a fear of missing out to take a year off? Once I had a talk with my brother and an upper classman who reminds me a lot of myself, I felt sure again of my decision I made last spring. The people I had spent my first semester with are incredible people, and they won't be offended to learn I'm not super happy. They'll fight for me to stay, and that might look like the pressure we feel to settle with dissatisfaction, but it's just them showing you how much they care for you.

If I studied abroad, I'd be gaining experience. I'd be getting away, seeing the world, all the while maintaining my status as a fully enrolled student. I'd be saving money because my school reimburses any student whose abroad program is less than their scholarship covers (lesson again: ALWAYS TALK WITH FINANCIAL AID). If I studied abroad, I would be getting just a semester away--instead of a year--to cure my unhappiness. I'd come back refreshed and hopefully complete with that which I'm looking for (but cannot put my finger on exactly what it is). So that's why I took a chance and applied for a summer internship in Tanzania and a fall program in Prague that will study art and social change. In realizing how accessible these opportunities were, in just 20 collective minutes of opening my eyes, I fell in love with my school again--but I'm not settling just on that notion alone. I will pursue these chances and actually make them happen.

Then, I came up with three steps to be happier.

1. Stop comparing.

2. Talk to your friends and family.

3. Take control of my education.

Being unhappy doesn't have to be unpopular. Be honest with yourself, and look into multiple options. In our society, it is easy to feel like it's our fault for not absolutely, completely loving our schools. It's time we be honest: college is not about proving to your followers that you're in love with every moment of your life. College is about shaping your education to grow and better yourself. There is no shame in not absolutely loving your school. No institution is perfect! Don't judge my school, either, just because I'm not 100% happy 100% of the time. What good of an institution would it be if it didn't provoke me to question what I want and take control of my individual happiness, instead of losing sight of my personal ambitions amidst a sea of social expectations to be happy all of the time?. I chose my school for a reason: it will provide the foundation for me to take the next step in my education and that's what I came here to do.