If any of you out there are astrology fanatics like I am, you’ve probably been watching your back more than usual these past few days. If you aren’t at all informed about what the hell is going on with your astrologically-minded friend that won’t leave his/her house and refuses to make any sudden decisions recently, well, you better get used to it for a while because....

MERCURY IS IN RETROGRADE!!

Do not fret, my friends! I am here to ease your worried mind and assist with all of this confusion.

Three or four times a year, everyone who knows anything about astrology goes through a ritual called “Mercury Retrograde.” Everyone who doesn’t know too much about such solar systematic phenomenons gets to have the experience completely blind, perhaps suspecting that something weird is going on or maybe even deeming themselves as "cursed." Typically the retrograde itself lasts three weeks, but the whole process lasts for two months. In other words, while Mercury is in retrograde just 19% of the time, the retrograde effect can be felt only about half the time. It’s the most concentrated around the days when Mercury changes direction which, unfortunately, is happening AS WE SPEAK. Essentially what all of this jargon means is that the planet Mercury passes between the Earth and the Sun 3-4 times per year due to the fact that Mercury’s orbit is about 84 days. For the 2016 calendar year, Mercury is set to be in retrograde again September 1st - September 21 and December 19 - December 31.

You might be aware of the fact that Mercury is, ironically enough, not made of mercury at all. No, really I'm serious. Mercury is actually believed to have the highest iron content of any planet in the Solar System. This is due to how insanely massive and dense the core is. Basically this is all just a more complicated way of saying that Mercury Retrograde is when a huge magnet is passing between the Earth and the Sun. This may explain why a lot of electronics start to act funky, but personally I believe that it also helps explain why our brains get all screwed up around this time. During retrograde periods one might experience a heightened tendency to lose things, perceive problems as being worse than they are, even making the tiniest of decisions could go completely awry and screw up something on a large scale because the nervous system runs on electricity. The mind is a mechanism that is anatomically rooted in electricity and magnetism which are two very important players in the retrograde game.

Okay. Phew. We got all of the complicated stuff out of the way. So now that you know a little bit more about what all of this fuss is over, the real question still remains, "o...what do I do now? Or rather, what should I not do?"

Well, I have a few suggestions to offer that may help you stay a little more stable during these next few weeks. Keep these little tips in mind as you make your way through the retrograde season (hopefully unscathed).

1. If they do not respond right away, don’t assume you’re being ignored.

(People get busy, people forget, phones die, data gets used up, family happens, IT’S OK)

2. Resolve the past. Plan for the future.

(Clean your desk, resolve those stupid conflicts, shake hands, HUG SOMEONE)

3. If it may not be broken, don’t fix it.

(Chances are you might end up making the problem so much worse by trying to mend something that never needed mending to begin with)

4. For once, it’s okay to be a bit too indecisive.

(This one’s especially easy for me. Over thinking is KEY While Mercury is in retrograde. Trust those weird gut feelings and strong instincts. Just do it, trust me.)

Don't let any of this scare you. The universe is not "plotting against you," okay? I promise. Just be sure to keep in mind that Mercury can be a real trickster. As long as you remember that you need to use your mind and not have your mind be used, you should come out alright! Mercury is a kind of a game. Be a good sportsman and keep your sense of humor about you.

And hey, even if you don't buy into all of this "astrology crap" and you think this article is total BS, just remember that sometimes simply enjoying the transit may be perhaps the greatest, clearest effect Mercury retrograde can have on your life. Just sit back, relax, and wait to see what the planets have it store for you!