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An Open Letter To The Unicorn Frappuccino

Thank you, Starbucks, for ruining my tastebuds.

Taylor Ginsberg

Apr 20, 2017

The University of Alabama

An Open Letter To The Unicorn Frappuccino

Starbucks Newsroom

Dear Starbucks,

My love for you will never fade, however, the creation and hype of some of your most recent beverages make me question how dedicated you are to our relationship. Your beverages should make me feel warm and fuzzy inside when I take a sip, but instead, the sight of your newest release makes me cringe. Although the thought of the newly infamous unicorn frap nauseated me, I decided to give it a try anyway. I mean you know what they say....you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. The taste I can only compare to spoiled milk mixed with a sour patch kid didn't exactly agree with me. The pink and blue came back up almost immediately if you're picking up what I'm putting down... That first sip literally proved my point: you can, in fact, judge a book by its cover.

Pop culture has recently become re-infatuated with a mythological one-horned beast: the unicorn. First, it was the unicorn nail polish trend. Next, girls started dying their hair pastel colors and referring to themselves as unicorns. Now, not only has Starbucks poisoned my taste buds with their newest sour creation, but even Tarte, the high-end cosmetics company, jumped on the elementary bandwagon by releasing a line of unicorn makeup brushes. Honestly, I feel personally victimized by the CEO's that are allowing this tomfoolery to take place.

Now, let's set the record straight. I have nothing against unicorns. Honestly, I find them adorable and majestic. However, as much as I admire the majestic creatures, I would never want to turn myself into one, nor consume one in the form of a venti frap. Truth be told, I wouldn't be so shook about this if it actually tasted as advertised. However, after I was told by a barista that it would taste like an orange creamsicle, you can imagine my surprise when I felt like I was consuming vomit in a cup. So, Starbucks, please stop trying to be mainstream because clearly, you've failed. You guys have thrived off of being hipster granola for the past 45 years, so do us all a favor and stay in your lane.

Sincerely,

An angry and nauseated Starbucks regular

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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An Open Letter To The Unicorn Frappuccino

Thank you, Starbucks, for ruining my tastebuds.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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