I always thought that I could have that fairytale relationship, where you are with one person and they are the love of your life. I never thought I would find someone even more special, causing my life to spiral.
Being on Tinder was always looked at as only wanting to hook up with someone, but there are those few people who managed to find their true love on the app, so why couldn't I? It took a while, but I found someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. After being together for a year, things started to change. He wanted me to change and be someone I was not.
When your first love tells you that they wish something would be different, you should take that as a sign saying it isn't a healthy relationship. I thought the opposite and tried everything in my power to stay with him. I became friends with his best friend like he wanted, and I talked more to his family. I thought that would be enough, but he got even more distant with me. I still would not accept ending things.
Anxiety is something that can be caused by several things, and if you have never had one before, it is one of the scariest things to go through alone. Some symptoms could be irrational thoughts, you can't breathe, your heart is racing and maybe more. This could also turn into a panic attack if it gets bad enough. Something that caused all these anxiety attacks, was things my boyfriend would say and do. When I told him about them, he told me its okay but wasn't very reassuring.
Trust is a major part of a relationship, and once that is questioned then that is the end. One day, I was hanging out with his friend, as he wanted all along, and he accused me of cheating. I have been patient with wanting to fix things, but that was something I could not forget. I felt unappreciated at that moment. I was still with his friend after this all went down, and he was the only one who really tried to make me feel better. I don't remember the last time I felt special or appreciated before that night. After I left his house, I felt different.
There is always that "bro-code" between guys where you cannot date your best friends ex, but if there are mutual feelings, then it shouldn't be forbidden. A couple of days after the incident, I ended things with my ex and it did not go well. I had several anxiety attacks throughout that week, and I was fortunate enough to have someone by my side helping me through those tough times. I couldn't be more grateful for all he has done for me in the week this all happened.
If there are ever any doubts in a relationship, that is not healthy. It is best to end things before they get any worse as they did with my relationship. I am terrified of possibly losing the only person who always makes me feel like I am the most important person in their life. I don't know what I would do if we couldn't be together because of them being best friends.
