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The Ultimate College Bucket List

Don't be caught without these buckets!

Tucker Atwood

Sep 18, 2016

University of Maine

115

Normans

College: the place where everybody goes to display their various buckets. Every year, approximately 70 million new buckets are introduced to the college scene. Unfortunately, not everybody has the buckets to make it in college. As a college veteran, I have seen my share of buckets, but, unfortunately, I have also seen my share of non-buckets. For your convenience, I have compiled an ultimate college bucket list, guiding you to ultimate college success, and ultimate happiness!

1. Plastic yellow bucket

This is THE college bucket! Much needed in most college classes and college parties, the plastic yellow bucket has become a staple for almost every college student in the nation. It's even starting to spread to Canada!

2. Metal bucket

You might think that you can get along without a metal bucket, but I had several friends who dropped out after only two weeks due to a lack of one metal bucket. In fact, I think they're all dead now.

3. Two metal buckets

What, you think having two metal buckets instead of one is extraneous? I'm surprised you made it through high school.

4. Metal bucket full of kittens

When transporting your kittens, show your style by using an old metal bucket! Everyone will know that you're LIT FAM!

5. DAMN RIGHT IT'S A WOODEN BUCKET

Get used to seeing a lot of these bad boys!

6. Charlie Bucket

Ever wonder why this kid isn't in movies anymore? Because he's too busy getting TURNT at college, am I right? Bring Charlie Bucket with you to college, and you've got the golden ticket to college fame!

7. Young Lady Carrying a Bucket, by Heinrich Zille

This drawing is plastered all over college campuses, but don't be afraid to bring an extra copy just in case!

8. Mop bucket

Okay, let's get this straight: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRING THE MOP! Just the bucket! (Once more for those in the back!) Just the bucket! Just the bucket! JUST THE BUCKET!

9. German 19th Century Leather Fire-Bucket

I filled my backseat with these babies when I packed for college. Shame on you if you didn't.

10. Jimmy Smith's 1966 jazz album, "Bucket!"

I'm just going to assume that you already have this album and have memorized the lyrics to the title track "Bucket!" because if you haven't, you shouldn't even be living.

11. The movie "The Bucket List" where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman collect buckets until they die

You may not yet recognize this movie as the masterpiece it is, but when you're older and wiser you will realize that the most important thing in life is spending quality time finding buckets with another dying old man of a different race. You will cry every time.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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The Ultimate College Bucket List

Don't be caught without these buckets!

1. Plastic yellow bucket

2. Metal bucket

3. Two metal buckets

4. Metal bucket full of kittens

5. DAMN RIGHT IT'S A WOODEN BUCKET

6. Charlie Bucket

7. Young Lady Carrying a Bucket, by Heinrich Zille

8. Mop bucket

9. German 19th Century Leather Fire-Bucket

10. Jimmy Smith's 1966 jazz album, "Bucket!"

11. The movie "The Bucket List" where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman collect buckets until they die

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"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

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