Recently I applied to be a Resident Assistant, Peer Mentor, and just in case O Team. Well I didn't get Resident Assistant (second time in a row) or Peer Mentor. So I guess I'm stuck with O Team. I'm not quite sure if I am happy yet I love the people who I have met there. I am just not self confident yet that I will do a good job or that this is what God had in store for me because hello I have a ton of leadership experience and there is no way I would just get O Team. Also hello people I am not cut out for O Team I am so below how O Team should be. I am shy. I don't have a natural woo and no I'm not that good an actor who can fake it. So yeah I can't fake it until I make it. Honestly I will fail I know I will that's why I wanted to be a Peer Mentor or an RA because those positions don't require an excessive amount of woo. So this could be the most intense acting job there is and I know that I cannot do it. Also I kind of feel betrayed by those that took notes on me. I showed that I was more than just O Team and I know it. But hey maybe this is because I was born on the Ides of March that people who think that I would be a great leader actually don't think that I will be. But maybe this is God's plan. So maybe I will now fail. I just kind of wish that I was more than just O Team because O Team only gets one week to be leaders and nothing else. I am happy with the people. I am happy with the backpack. But I am not happy that my window feels like it's half-closed if that. Either way I need to take this a day at a time and learn how to be happy with this leadership experience that I was given even though it will be hard. It's basically asking someone who doesn't like chocolate to be happy with you giving them something that is nothing but chocolate to eat. So if you are at my daycare you take a no-thank-you bite and move on. So yeah trying not to quit but also trying to not move on disappointed. But hey maybe my luck will change. Maybe something good is going to happen next.