For almost as long as I can remember, funny is the way I have been described. However the word funny is often very quickly substituted for annoying, obnoxious, or attention seeking. At the end of the day, I am just being myself and if people decide that they want to pay attention to them, that's not my business. If I want attention, I'll ask for it.
I am working my best to have open communications in all areas now and if I am feeling neglected I use my voice to demand that I am paid better attention to or that I be listened to.
I don't have to give off silent signals for attention, if I want something, I ask for it. I try to anyway. Perhaps the answer might be no too. Maybe I'll be told to screw off and go away, but at the end of the day, I do believe it's better to ask. If I want to be listened to, I will request I have all ears, not scream louder just so I am heard.
Being labeled as "funny" has been one of the greatest joys and biggest burdens of my entire life. Now, I am not saying I am found universally funny by all people. If that were the case I would be on my comedy tour right now rolling my big bucks. You would be me on TV instead of behind the computer screen writing this article.
I would be chuckling with Jimmy Fallon or a variety of other late night television hosts, cracking my jokes and watching as the audience basks in my hilarity.
If there was a descriptor of me it was funny or opinionated. Even when I didn't speak much I kind of felt I still held the label. That adjective is one I have heard in reference to me more than anything else. In reality, I don't really think I ever grow super tired of it but sometimes I do kind of wish a new adjective could be used in its place.
Pretty, smart, cool, kind, artistic, or cute. These were all adjectives that I knew would never be mine.
I remember being so confused the first time I was friend zoned. However, I came quickly to learn that girls like me are quick to be thrust into the friend zone. Funny people have come to know the friend zone better than anyone else.
Funny girls (and boys) are wanted for a good time, a laugh, and practically as entertainment, not as a true friend or life partner. I feel like we are a secret community, often on the outside looking in.
The word obnoxious and annoying is very often put in place of the word funny.
As a matter of fact, unfortunately, I feel like I hear those two words instead of the word funny. I am constantly asking myself if I am too much, if I am not everyone's cup of tea.
My biggest insecurity often seems to be my biggest asset and compliment as well.
Being funny is the one thing I felt like I have held with me for the entirety of my life. However, it has worked as a burden for me too. "Funny girl" stays in the friend zone, funny girl is constantly called obnoxious, funny girl is forever told she's trying too hard, and the sometimes funny girl is even informed she's not even all that funny.
Funny girls are an entertainment source, a clown of sorts and sometimes you aren't always up to be a part of the show. There are times where I just want to be, and it is difficult when there are prying eyes expected me to be the source of their entertainment.
I don't think I'd change the identity and label I've been giving. The humor I have has been inherited, I come from my father who was his high school's honorary funny boy. It is my identity, who I make myself known.
However, with this identity, I realize I am much more and I have a place to grow. I can be the funny girl, but also the pretty girl, smart girl, informed girl, fun girl, wild girl, sweet girl, bad-ass girl, cute girl, and whatever else I might decide I want to be. The labels you are giving can be limiting, but they do not define you.
I think that the specific label I've been given has put me in zones of friendship that I have been unable to escape and at times I really do feel that it has rendered my practically useless. I have many times been seen as the "bro" or the friend.
I am rarely ever someone that people really seem to want to commit their time to or to love.
I don't feel I am often asked for advice because that just doesn't really seem like my area of expertise to many people I am the funny friend and people should only come to me when they are looking for a laugh or someone to bring them out of their pit of misery through humor. I am not the wise friend or the comforting friend. I am not the friend that many people feel they want to come to in a time of distress so that I may offer them comfort and support.
For some reason, that has never been me or the label that I have been given. I know who I am and I find this ironic as I have been through a lot of therapy in order to make my own self happy and I have taken a lot of advice that has helped me to advance mentally and I would be more than happy to give that advice to the world if they wanted to take it from me. However, that is not the label I have been given.
Somewhere along the way, I was given the label of the funny friend and it is one that at times I wish I could escape it. I wish I could shed it like skin, just let it fall off of me so that I could be someone else for a little while.
I in no way am ashamed or embarrassed by who I am. I happy to be someone who helps others laugh and smile, but at times I feel annoying or like I am too much. I feel too loud or too bold or too extra. I feel like more of an annoyance than a source of happiness and it hurts me at times to feel like I am a hindrance or a burden to people. I like making people smile, but I wish I was given a little bit more room to explore who I truly am.
I can be kind, intelligent, deep, philosophical, reserved, wild, moral, and intellectual. I am a lot more than that one word that I have been given my entire life. I am very tired of the friend zone I kind of feel I have been here my entire life.
I wish someone would scoop me out of it. I am tired of being expected to always play the part of the clown and put a smile on the face of others when there are times when I find myself unable to put a smile on my own face. I am grateful, truly I am. But sometimes being the funny girl isn't all that fun at all.