We're done.
It's over.
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I'm leaving you.
These words can be pretty hard to hear, no matter how strong, tough, or manly you think you are. No matter how resilient you believe yourself to be. No matter how many times you've heard those words before, or perhaps said them yourself, they never seem to get any easier to accept.
However, I realized quite recently that those words can also be quite liberating. To some, those words seem to mean the end of the world, the end of all ends. But this time around, I see those words as a new beginning. An endless road of new discoveries and opportunity. I would never have thought that the words that have time and time again left me crying and trembling in the locked bathroom of my house for hours on end could save me. The same words that once tore me apart are now reversing their purpose and mending me from the inside out.
When they say that love is blind, they really mean it. When I fall for someone, I fall wholeheartedly and with my eyes closed. I don't notice any flaws or shortcomings in my significant other. In my eyes they're perfect -- until they're not.
I realized in retrospect that the person who was supposed to be lifting me up was only bringing me down. Telling me I'm not good enough. Not skinny enough. Not pretty enough. Nothing I did was ever enough. I didn't realize what I was doing to myself until the relationship ended. Every time I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself, I saw my so-called flaws and nothing else. I spent every waking hour obsessing over what I should eat and what I shouldn't, and scolding myself when I gave into unhealthy cravings. I spent every ounce of free time I had going on long bike rides to try to get in shape, and researching how to lose weight. It took me a long time, but now I finally see the truth of the matter. I am beautiful. I am enough. I am perfect just the way I am -- maybe not to my now ex-boyfriend, but to me. I am perfect.
No one should ever have to hear that they are not skinny enough, not pretty enough, or simply not enough. It's a lie. You are enough. You are enough and so much more on top of that. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because it's absolute bullshit. I can't promise that the whole world is going to love you, we all have enemies. But one thing you can do for sure is learning to love yourself. It's a work in progress for me, but I'm getting there.
Stay beautiful. And most importantly, stay you.
