We all have our morning routines. You wake up, get out of bed, make yourself a bowl of cereal and then sluggishly find your way to the bathroom. In the corner of your eye, you catch a glimpse of your worst enemy tucked away in a corner of your bathroom—the scale.

For me, this story became all too familiar. Every morning, I would look at the scale and fight myself not to get on it, knowing that whatever came up on it would ruin the rest of my day. It's silly to think that an object that is only one square foot would dictate my life, but it became that way.

Now, my weight has fluctuated my entire life growing up. From my childhood all the way up until high school, my body never seemed to grow in proportion. I would always gain weight and be "chubby", but as soon as I spent a few months in a chubby phase, my body would hit a growth spurt and the height difference would even out my proportions to skinny again. So, each time I noticed myself getting bigger as a child, I thought "it's okay, I'll be taller soon and everything will be just fine". It all seemed to make sense in my mind, but what about adulthood? Never in my childhood or early teens would I stop to think "What about when I stop growing?"

That day finally came when I stopped growing taller. I was around seventeen years old, I was 5'5 and 140 pounds. My body was proportioned, and although I was unhappy that I still had fat on my body (which, looking back on it today, was overdramatic), I was considered "average". I wasn't too big or too small for my height, and although I was no athlete, I had a fair amount of muscle on my body. This is where things changed for me.

A lot of changes happen around the age of seventeen. I had gotten my first job, first car, first boyfriend, and I was about to graduate high school and move away to college. These huge life changes were the first steps in my weight gain. I had a job, so I had my own money to buy food. I had my first car, so I was no longer walking places, and could drive to get food when I wanted. It's no secret that most people gain weight in a relationship, even though it was not intentional for me.

Now for those who have been blessed with a fast metabolism and have been skinny all their life, it is easy to look at people who have gained weight and say "Well, if you eat healthier and exercise a bit, then you'll lose weight." I don't blame them, because it's something they never had to struggle with, so they truly don't understand what it's like. However, it's a completely different situation for someone who has gained weight when they were previously smaller.

I see myself everyday. Everyone sees their body in the mirror everyday, so when these changes happen, they often go unnoticed. Every day I would see my body in the mirror and I wouldn't have even thought that I gained weight. Even when my pants would fit tighter, I would assume they shrunk in the dryer and then buy a new pair. I know to some it might sound silly, but in my mind my body looked exactly the same, so why would I think it was me instead of the pants? This cycle is usually what happens to people when they gain weight because, more often than not, they do not even notice. Unnoticed until, one morning, you give into that little friend in the corner of the bathroom.

The first time I stepped on the scale and the number "220" displayed next to my feet, I was heartbroken. Never in my life did I think I would ever be that heavy, and never did I think that 80 pounds would go so unnoticed for so long. However, it does, and that is what a lot of people don't seem to understand. From that moment on, my brain stopped seeing my old 140 pound self in the mirror. I started seeing what I actually became, and although weird to say, I felt like I was in an identity crisis.

After I was aware of my weight gain, for awhile it was the only thing I could associate myself with. It started to affect every single aspect of my life. I started noticing I could no longer go to a store and buy whatever I wanted. I noticed I could no longer follow what's on trend because it was all cropped and revealing. Whenever I talked to someone, my weight was always a thought in the back of my mind ("I wonder if they noticed if I gained weight" or "I hope they don't notice my double chin"). These feelings only intensified when in a group setting or with friends that are smaller. Often, I questioned if I would get treated differently if I were smaller. I noticed how people would treat my skinnier friends, and in my mind there was no comparison—I wasn't treated as well.

I started untagging all Facebook photos I was in, I stopped getting in group pictures, and I slowly and unintentionally started distancing myself from my friends. I've said no to fun-days drinking at the river, I've denied going to the beach and missed out on other fun opportunities because I became so uncomfortable in my body. I could not go to certain events because I could not find an outfit that fit right. This led me feel inferior to others and brought me to a very dark place.

There are thousands of articles online about weight loss, but no one ever wants to discuss whatever got you to the size you were at, or the feelings associated with it. For anyone who has ever struggled with their weight, you know that it is more mental than physical. Unfortunately, a lot of people overlook this and just assume you "let yourself go", "no longer care", or (and probably the worst to hear) you're "lazy".

I'm currently on a path to dropping the weight, and it's not easy. So far I have lost 20 pounds and have 40 more until I reach my goal. Let me tell you, it is much more than eating salad and going to the gym. It's a mental battle and, for a lot of people, that battle wins and they never do lose weight. So, for anyone out there who is struggling, I understand and so do many others. Remember that everyone has to start somewhere and that every little step counts. It might take months, or even years, but just keep trying and you will get where you want to be.