If you had told me a year ago that by 2017 I would have tried three different antidepressants and a sedative, I would’ve never believed you. The idea of taking an antidepressant was taboo to me. How could I willingly take a drug that I thought would change my personality? By May of last year, I was having several anxiety attacks a day, and barely sleeping. Unable to find any way to calm myself down I finally sought out the help of the Center for Counseling and Psychological services on Ithaca’s campus. One of the first solutions my counselor proposed to me was taking antidepressants. I immediately said no, I thought that I would be able to push through this on my own. That if I thought positive and exercised every day I would be able to work through all of anxiety. I soon realized that there aren’t enough exercises in the world to make all of my anxiety go away.

My overwhelming fear of antidepressants stemmed from the idea that I would be dependent on drugs, and without them I wouldn’t be able to function. So here are just a few things I have learned in the eight months I’ve been taking antidepressants.

• You’ll still get depressed, and you’ll still have anxiety attacks.
• You will become dependent on them.
• You may experience side effects, and they can be difficult to work through.
• The first antidepressant you take may not be the best one for you.

When I started taking antidepressants I thought that I would never be depressed or anxious again. This isn’t to say that they don’t help. Antidepressants alleviate the mental anguish but they don’t make it disappear.

Antidepressants increase the level of serotonin in your synapse which lessons the effects of depression, so when you stop taking an antidepressant you will experience the full effect of depression all over again. Coming from someone who forgot to take her medication one day: I had a mental breakdown. I definitely won’t forget to take them again.

For instance, the medication I am taking right now suppresses appetite, I used to eat every two hours. But there are some days now where I have to force myself to eat because nothing seems appetizing. Another common side effect is that the effects of alcohol can be intensified. For fellow college students you may be thinking this is a good thing, but it can also be dangerous.

The antidepressant most often prescribed to people just starting to take antidepressants is Zoloft. I didn’t experience any side effects from Zoloft but it also didn’t help me as much as another drug could have. You might get frustrated from this trial and error cycle but in the end it will be worth it.

These statements are probably not what you wanted to hear about antidepressants but they are honest. Overall, I am glad that I began taking antidepressants. I wasn’t able to work through the worst of my anxiety and depression with breathing exercises, meditation, or coloring books. If you relate to my struggle than I suggest talking to your physician about the option of taking mood stabilizers. There is nothing wrong with taking medication to help you. I cannot stress enough that mental disorders are just chemical imbalances in the brain and you did nothing to deserve them.