So, it’s a Saturday morning during football season. You hear the migraine-inducing alarm go off on your nightstand, alerting you to the fact that it is 7:00 AM. Yes, 7:00 AM. Everyone around you is already running around searching for their fanny pack, meanwhile, you have yet to open your right eye. It’s not that you’re not excited - no, that’s not it at all. You’re ecstatic, actually. However, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re completely and utterly and wholeheartedly exhausted.
You’ve finally gotten yourself out of bed- there’s no turning back now. You sift through your endless university gift shop apparel until you finally find some spirited, but weather-appropriate clothing (which is NOT an easy feat). You mix and match until you find the perfect ensemble. It’s beautiful - everyone knows if you look good, you feel good, right? It’s too bad this outfit will be covered in vodka and mud by noon.
The time has come. Ah, yes: tailgate time. You get more and more excited with each step you take towards the inevitable frat house that awaits your presence. You are flawless; you are officially ready for the tailgate (despite your right eye still refusing to fully open). You hear some vague electronic beat radiating from the street, and you know you’ve arrived. Your heart skips a beat as you run towards your friends on the elevated surfaces that surround you. So college, am I right?
You’re dancing and moving and grooving. You no longer care about how tired you were just a mere few hours ago. Oh, no - that is in the past. You’re strictly living in the moment now. You somehow make your way onto the roof and begin doing what you believe is the best dance move since the Cha Cha Slide. In reality, you’re just jumping up and down, not even on beat to the pop remix, but you don’t care. You’re in your element now. No one can stop you. No one.
Ok, no one can stop you. That’s true. But your stomach is not a person, and it can most certainly stop you, and it does. You hear it growl. It’s loud. Can people hear this over the music? You sure hope not. You need to get some garlic bread - STAT. You struggle to find someone who will depart from the most amazing tailgate they’ve ever been to in hopes that they will assist you on your journey to find something with cheese on it. Your head is spinning from the loud music and the overwhelming feeling of starvation.
You get your food, and it is so delicious you can hardly believe it’s real. Nothing tastes better than a cheaply-made, eight dollar meal after a good jump on a roof. The only problem is, you had to sit down to eat it. Oh no. Rule one of tailgating has been broken already: NEVER sit down. If you sit, you will NOT get back up no matter how hard you try. You feel your body go limp as it realizes the torture you’ve just put it through for the past three or four hours. You go back to your room and collapse on your bed; you’ve had enough for the day
You fall asleep at 3:30PM. You wake up at 6:00PM. Oh God. You missed the game. You woke up, you tailgated, you ate, and you couldn’t even make it to the game. Oh wait, there’s always next weekend! Ok good, back to sleeping for eternity.
