Okay, so for this article I'm going to "borrow" from an idea from my friend, who also writes Odyssey articles, had a few weeks ago. Only she did it really well and so I'm hoping that time will separate our two articles so mine has a shot at readability. But anyway, this is my article about little things that bug me the most. My pet peeves, if you will. No, not a furry version of the cantankerous ghost from Harry Potter, I mean pet peeves as in something that bothers me to the inner workings of my soul. I actually hate the word pet peeves, it's one of my pet peeves, so I'm lost in an infinite paradox of perpetually being bothered by pet peeves. I have many things that set me off that most people overlook, which they should not. If people abided by my list, the world would be a much better place.
1. People that repeatedly use the word "Bruh"
"Bruh" is without a doubt the stupidest colloquialism used in the history of mankind. Even words like "gnarly" from the 1980s are immensely more thought out. When I started college a couple years ago, I walked in the halls one time behind someone on the phone saying "bruh" after literally every sentence. It made my brain throb and still makes me want to punch something every time its presence is regurgitated into the room. It honestly sounds like the mating call of an ape that lost its ability to harness basic intelligence after an overdose of "Jersey Shore".
2. There must be a huge difference between fried chicken products
Another situation that hits me like a bullet to my foot is when I order Chicken McNuggets from a place that's not McDonalds (which I never do for myself because Chicken McNuggets are disgusting) and they say back "We don't have Chicken McNuggets here, did you mean chicken tenders?" There are so many things I want to reply back that would end up being so rude to the poor employee, so I just say, "Why yes," and be done with it. Yes, I am aware that you can't get Chicken McNuggets at Burger King, but who is really going to get chicken tenders from Burger King and say "These aren't my McNuggets! This is an outrage!" and challenge the manager to a fencing match in the main streets of Dodge City. That isn't going to happen. What everyone should do is register in their confused minds that Chicken McNuggets, chicken tenders, chicken fingers, and chicken whatever else are all the same things and if people say one of them, they mean all of them. It's kind of like people saying Pepsi when they obviously mean Coke. It's also like the Fast and Furious movies. They may be fun to watch, but they're all the same.
3. There must be a national pandemic of leaving shopping carts out
The closest phenomenon we have to a zombie invasion besides people playing Pokemon Go is rogue shopping carts that litter the crowded preschool playhouse that is a supermarket parking lot. It seems to trouble people a tremendous lot to walk the 50-100 steps it takes to put the cart back in the rack. There is not much that is more irritating than when I want to get a parking spot close to the building, but I can't because some indolent individual has left their cart right in the middle of the parking space. If Americans don't want others to view them as a lazy country, maybe this is the first small step we can take. A million steps is a million little individual steps. Maybe, and just maybe, someone could use 75 of them to take their cart to the rack.
4. If you say "I don't like McDonald's" just know you're wrong about everything
McDonalds is the best thing to happen to Earth since the Garden of Eden. Those who are cast away from its glory are those who have eaten from the fruit of "I'm better than everyone else, look at me" and nobody really cares about them. Nothing bums me out more than when I suggest to eat at McDonalds and someone smugly says "ew, let's go somewhere good." There are some exceptions to this rule like Taco Bell, Hardees, and Dairy Queen, but even those fall short of the blinding luster of the golden arches. If you don't like McDonalds, just remember McDonalds doesn't even care enough about you to dislike you. People who say that McDonalds should offer more and more healthy foods are the worst. If you dislike McDonalds so much, just go to one of the many other healthy international food chains there are...oh wait, there are no healthy international food chains because no one wants to buy that bland and acidulous garbage. McDonalds is the most delicious food source on the planet, and when Jesus makes his second coming, he will without a doubt slide out of the heavens through the golden arches, enjoying the fresh piquancy that is the Quarter Pounder with Cheese on his way to the earth below.
5. There are certain words I just can't tolerate
I mentioned in the introduction that I couldn't stand the word "pet peeves." It somehow hurts my mind to even think of the word. Other words I can't stand include "toiletries," "ditty," "studies" and "pork." On some unknown level, these words make me cringe every time I hear them. It's like my ear canal grew taste buds and someone stuffed a rotten orange into them. These words are difficult to put up with and their eradication from the English language would be welcomed from me. On a weird side note, the word "moist" doesn't actually bother me that much. I feel like it should, but I must have an immunity to it. I wish I could develop one to all these other pet peeves and live a more carefree life. Maybe someday.
