Walmart is a polarizing store. Its many aspects make it the brunt of jokes and its shoppers themselves are a thing of internet discussion. While some love Walmart and some hate it, everyone who has ever been there experiences a few memorable things upon entering the store. You can't say these things out loud because social convention prevents you from doing so, therefore, all you have while at Walmart are these mildly distressing thoughts.
1. What is that smell?
When you walk in, it hits you. The Walmart smell. You never really can put your finger on what it exactly is but it's there and it's all encompassing. Just hope it doesn't stick to your clothes (it does however stick to most purchases).
2. Why is everything in bins?
$5 movie bin, $5 CD bin, $.88 candy bin, and the most confusing $3.74 movie bin. They love their bins at Walmart. What's more fun than sifting through a vortex of B movies and bad country albums? Wondering how your life led to this moment is.
3. I want this but it's sticky.
You really want the last copy of the new season of "Gotham." You pick it up and realize it's sticky. To your horror, you realize this isn't the only item. Many items are sticky. How did they get this way? Why is the floor sticky? Could it be that I'm in a sticky situation? At this point you begin to cry as you have stooped to puns to get through your Walmart trip.
4. I genuinely did not know these people existed.
You look around. Who are these people? I didn't know they lived in my town, let alone, well anywhere. It's like people emerge from the depths of the unknown to not only shop at Walmart, but buy the strangest things. Like, who needs an entire cart composed of frozen pizza and gallons of milk? Who wears see through camis in the winter? The people of Walmart do.
5. *sarcastically* Oh good, a crowd.
You actually can't have any space to just be the sole person in an aisle. You are joined by two families, a single old man and a teen couple. Everything is loud yet no one seems to be talking. This is terrible. There cannot be enough air for everyone in here. I am going to die. I am going to die in Walmart.
6. Why is there a bike in the frozen food section?
Who knows where it even is supposed to go. There were already four phone chargers with the dish soap and a pack of playing cards with makeup. At this point, why am I even bothered. It's anarchy.
7. I wish it was acceptable for me to scream like that kid.
Mmm good, screaming children. I'd be annoyed if I wasn't internally screaming as well. I wish I could free my screams like that child. Don't shush him, no, let him emote himself. Let him scream, and let Walmart know.
