Why can't I get a boyfriend?
This question goes through my head every time I am given the "I don't want to be in a relationship" speech by the guy who is my "latest victim" (in the words of my mother). It's inevitable. We start to get to know one another, things are going great, and I think this is the one. Then all of a sudden, something changes, and I get that speech, and I'm left with another piece of my heart given away. I have no clue what I did, and they don't typically tell me what happens. They just give it to me and leave. At 21 years old, I haven't really gone on a date—you know the one where you go out to eat and dress up and they open doors for you? Yeah...never been on one. I have never changed my Facebook status, and I've never been told that I'm worth it.
Men have never been the gentleman I expected. I have been called stupid, I have been told I wasn't good enough for them, I have been told they just want to be friends, and every other thing you can think of, really. I have been lied to, both over text and to my face, I have been pushed around and told what to do and how to do it, and I've put up with it. And for what? For them to go on and find something better than what I gave them? In a relationship with anyone, I give it my all. I am one to never half-ass a friendship or potential relationship. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I believe that it's why I am really damaged.
Damaged. That word that people use to describe themselves to others who they are "talking" to. They normally just openly admit that "I am damaged" and then go on to describe exactly what happened in their past to give them that damaged feeling. Some have come from abusive relationships, some have been cheated on, and some have just gotten so fed up with giving their heart away only to have it broken after the person swears up and down they won't be the one to break it. We are horrible when it comes to relationships because we now have established all of these unnecessary feelings like damaging one another and creating trust issues. If you want to be with that person, be with them and give them your all. If you don't, don't go out and cheat on them and continue to stay with them. Break it off and do it as kindly as you can.
Relationships are a 50/50 kind of thing. There is no "one person gives it their all and the other is barely proactive in it." I don't think I ask too much of people. Be there on my good days and support me on my bad. Maybe guys can't handle that, but they also are the reason for most of my bad days. I know there is a guy out there for me, and maybe he isn't here, like my mom says. All I know is that when the time comes, and I meet him, I know that it will make every other guy I've met look like fools, and I will know that he is meant to help me realize my true value.
