Each year, on the first Sunday of February, Americans all over the country sit down with a full liter bottle of Pepsi, an entire pizza pie, and two bags of potato chips and watch the NFL Super Bowl, in addition to some funny commercials and a halftime show featuring whatever pop music star is popular right now. It's a time for football fans to gamble over who will win and complain about the Patriots, and a time for people like me to pretend to be invested in the game, but are only there for the snacks and a couple of funny commercials.
Even when I was a kid, I never really became all that invested in football. I never even got into fantasy football and I never really understood how the game worked until I got into middle school. The only reason I even bothered to watch the game was because the rest of the family was watching it, and I liked seeing the commercials and the halftime show (although the quality on both seems to vary each and every year, more often than not leaning on the bad side).
And so, for your reading pleasure, a brief look at what goes on through my brain while watching any and every Super Bowl.
"Oh great, a singer showing off during the National Anthem. Haven't seen that before."
"Alright, the game's finally starting--oh wait, here's a beer commercial."
"I swear I've seen that guy in something else before. Is he from SNL?"
"Alright, now the game's gonna start."
"Well, it's been five minutes, and nothing's happened."
"Oh Doritos. You always know how to make a great ad."
"Really? They're making another [insert movie franchise here]?!"
"Okay, X Team got a touchdown. That's the team I bet my Dad against, right?"
"Dammit! I'm out of Tostitos, and the Snickers ad is going to play soon."
"And there's another touchdown from X Team. Is this going to be a blowout?"
"And that's Quarter 1. Only 3 more hours to go."
"NCIS/SVU/Other long-running show is still on the air? Huh, learn something new every day."
"Alright, Quarter 2."
"So is the guy in the Kia ad a football player? He seems kinda familiar."
"Oh yeah, I still need some Tostitos. I'll go check in the kitchen. It's not like anything exciting's gonna happen."
"Wait, what?! Y Team got a touchdown while I was searching the pantry?!"
"Okay, does the marketing department for some of these companies just randomly choose the theme of their ad by drawing out of a hat?"
"And Quarter 2 is over."
"Man, they're really trying to hype up this new show. Too bad it looks so dull."
"Alright, half-time show."
"How many back-up dancers did this guy get for this performance?"
"Alright, let's see how this guy does when performing live--and he sucks."
"Hello featured artist....goodbye featured artist."
"Well that was...whatever. Okay, back to the game."
"Alright, I'm gonna go get some more chips. Hope I don't miss anything big again."
"Oh wow. Nothing has happened."
"Ooh, an ad for a movie I'm actually interested in. That's nice."
"Wait, is that Will Ferrell? What's he doing in a Budweiser commercial?"
"Alright, is nothing going to happen in this quart--and it's over. Mm'kay."
"So Quarter 4 is going on, and Team X are guaranteed to win. Looks like it's time to check Twitter."
"Oh look Team X won."
"Wait, I bet against Dad that Team Y would win? DAMMIT!
