Once social change begins, it cannot be reversed. You cannot un-educate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore. -César Chávez

As a Chicana, I struggled a lot with my identity. I had to understand the American culture as well as the Mexican culture. It's a struggle between the old world and the new. But it isn't my appearance that makes me a Chicana. Like Miklo from "Blood In Blood Out" said, "I'm brown on the inside. To The Bone." It's remembering your roots but morphing both cultures together. That's what being a Chicano is all about; proud to be American, but never forgetting our Mexican roots.

My identity caused a lot of problems as I grew up. Not many people talk about the micro aggression Latinos deal with, nor do they talk about the struggles they face. Of course, there are a few authors who happen to be my favorite that write about the struggles of being a Latino. Sandra Cisneros is my all time favorite, especially because she is a Chicana, like myself. She understands and expresses the struggles Mexicanos face, especially within their culture and community. Junot Diaz, although Dominican, does touch the struggles that Latinos face culturally by balancing both American and Dominican culture and trying to become accepted by both communities. I went through the same challenges as their characters.

I struggled in Junior High a lot. It wasn't because I couldn't learn the material, I picked it all up quickly. It was because of who I was that caused me to struggle with my identity. Intentional or not, the actions and remarks had slowly gotten to me. At one point, I was ashamed of my ethnicity.

The students knew my dad worked for the school district, but they didn't believe that he was a coach and teacher. It's the sort of micro aggression Latinos deal with; the janitor, the nanny, the lunch lady. They thought he was a janitor. I laughed at them, because they didn't know he was building a hell of a wrestling program for the high school.

It wasn't just the students, but the school as well. I was placed in an ESL class because they assumed I didn't speak English very well. Soy Americana! They told me it was because of my test scores, even though my scores where dramatically high. It was like the scene in "Stand and Deliver" where Jamie Escalante says "Those scores would have never been questioned if my kids did not have Spanish surnames and come from barrio schools. You know that."

For whatever reason, some people believed Latinos were dumb. They believed we could not excel academically even if we tried. Just like those students in Stand and Deliver I had to prove to them I knew English, even if their ignorant eyes refused to see it because of who I was. I wanted to prove I wasn't some Huevona trying to barely make it by in the classroom. I wanted to prove that I was going to be somebody and not just a girl from the barrio.

I read as many books as I could in a week, while writing on the side. I spoke out in class, trying to prove I knew the material. I made sure that they understood they made a mistake. I wanted them to see Latinos weren't as dumb as they thought we were. It wasn't until a few weeks into the school year where they finally realized I didn't belong there. I was transferred into the Pre-AP class.

In my Ethnic Lit class in college, I fell in love with the book called "A Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Junot Diaz. I related a lot with the main character, Oscar. He's both a geek and a nerd. He is passionate about literature and is also passionate about Geek Culture. He was fond of the Marvel/DC world and also was apart of the Doctor Who Fandom among many other fandoms. But it wasn't Oscar who drew me to love this book (even though I did love his geeky personality). Diaz caught my attention the moment he introduced Oscar's sister, Lola, who I connected with very well.

I bring up Lola because she is a mirrored image of myself. She's a punk rocker and dressed to scare everyone off. She had an attitude bigger than her nalgas and would put any man in place. It was her need to break the typical Marianisma image that Latina women must follow. She didn't like the Machismo attitude men had, and would break them because she needed to put them in their place. She was tough, Dominican, and she wanted to prove to the world that she wasn't some slave every Latina was raised to be.

I felt like I was so much like her. I also went through my punk phase and have an attitude when I needed it, especially to those Gueros. I want to show the world Latinas are more than the slaved women our old culture forces us to be. I want to break the stereotype of a Latina; the image of the sex kitten, the chola, the dropout, the maid, the crazy hot-head, and the pendeja who is always willing to follow a man around because our culture says she has to. I never wanted to be limited on what I could do because of who I was.

I am very proud of my culture, but I didn't want to appear as the negative images those gringos thought we were. When I graduated high school, it was a big deal. I didn't think so, but as I look back, I realized it was. Statistically, the Latino dropout rate has decreased dramatically from 32% to 7%. Slowly, we're showing we're intelligent people as well, not the dropouts everyone believes Latinos are. Yet when you look at the Hollywood image of the typical high school Latina, they either show the pregnant teen, dropout, the druggy, or the gangbanger.

Hollywood shows the girl who dropped out of school because of kids, drugs, or because la cabróna decided to join the life of gang violence. They show a lot of negative appearances for Latinas. They don't show the real struggles and success Latinas have, especially in school and at home. Sometimes the environment drives them to a tough lifestyle. When you can't escape the environment, you become apart of it. Don't get the wrong idea, they aren't bad people. I love my cholitas. They are strong and independent women who run the streets. Look at them wrong, and that chingona will put you in your place. But not every Latina is like that. Many are strong and successful women who have a great education and career.

There is one character that comes to mind in Hollywood who got her head straight: Giggles. She's a chola from "Mi Vida Loca". Of course, Giggles had to go to prison before realizing she needed an education to get a better life not just for herself, but for her daughter as well. It's a struggle to make a good living when you're a convict. But she tries, and I admire her for it. It was no surprise she became my favorite character. She was tough, independent, and wanted to prove that a Chicana can make a difference in her community.

I was just like her, wanting to better my community. I went to college, which was also a big deal. Education is a serious thing with the older crowd. They're very proud that you're making an effort to make life better.

I'm continuing my career to get my Master's and PhD in English. But even though I'm moving forward, I never forget where I came from. I remember the streets of El Paso and all the Mexicanos struggling to make a living. I remember the cholitos who've died because they grew up around gangs. It's not their fault. It's never their fault. That's just how it is. I remember every struggle that my people deal with, the drugs, the poverty, and the discrimination. But these things do not define us, the build us and make us stronger.

We all struggle in some sort of way. One of my close professors gave me a Sandra Cisneros book "A House of My Own: Stories from My Life" which I've read over and over again. It's her story about how she started her writing career, discussing about her own struggles as a writer and as a Latina. As she visits Chiapis, she considers herself as an outcast, or as she describes herself as "a Gringa." She sees how poor those people live, but find small moments of happiness even in the hardest times. Her visit within the southern Mexico mountains made her reconnect with her Mexican culture. She proudly wears a huipil, a "cloth [which] is a flag of who I am" (65).

There is a quote from Cisnero's book that really inspired me to connect with identity and not to be ashamed of who I am. The quote is from Luis Omar Salinas, a Chicano poet. He says "Every Chicano writing is a Chicano writer. Chicano poetry is human poetry- that's where the heart of the matter lies- human compassion" (45).Every person, no matter what they identify themselves as, is human. Yet we still discriminate one another. That is our problem. The discrimination won't simply fade away, but we can be aware of it.

Everyone has a story. Writers write because we feel the need to share with the world our thoughts and ideas. If we write, people will listen. I am a Chicano writer and I write for myself and for my people.

I write because I have my own stories to share. The American society has always divided each Ethnic group, making it hard for people to connect with a community. I struggled as a Chicana because I didn't know where I belonged; Mexicana or Americana. But as I write, I know people will listen, especially those who are as lost as I was. I want to be some kind of voice for my people. I write because many say "only Gringos succeed." I've learned from experience that sometimes my identity causes a struggle for me to keep moving forward. But I know I've worked too hard to let my identity hold me back. Now, only I can hold myself back.

My struggles have not stopped, nor will they ever go away. I want to break the image of the stereotypical Latina and create a new image for my people; a better image. It took years, but I found my identity, I found out who I am. I strive to be the writer, the educator, the champion, and the warrior. I am Giggles, Lola, and Ciscneros. Slowly, our image will show how strong, intelligent, and independent Latinas really are. Viva la Raza.

No particular race is the enemy. Ignorance is the enemy. -George Lopez